"So much to say, so much to say..."

Settle in. This is a long one...

I sat at lunch with Sidney yesterday hardly recognizing the girl wolfing down a hot ham and cheese. I liked observing her routine during this particular part of the day. I was pleasantly surprised the kindergarten and first grade teachers watch over them, standing there making sure they are eating while maintaining a quiet environment until they are done. This might sound a bit overbearing, however this is exactly the environment Sidney needs to focus on eating. 

As I sat with seven first graders, I was moved to heights of popularity. “Are you supposed to stay quiet the whole time you eat,” I asked in stunned silence, looking at them move through the motions. 20 minutes isn’t long when you’re in first grade. “We can talk if we have a visitor,” I was advised. Throughout lunch I was quizzed on math facts and given the rundown of how many kids knew Tom (if you are new to our story - my husband). It seems when you are a heating and cooling person in a small town, most people have had you in their house at one point or another.

So thankful for people like my dad who are veterans. Sidney made this at school. 

As Sidney ate her lunch, I realized it was the second time this week I had seen an area where she has grown. Sometimes we refer to Sidney as an, “old soul.” I should explain first, Sidney is a very happy girl. I think school in many ways has taught her to be a kid. That being said, a child who experiences serious neglect in the first part of their life, in survival mode for extended periods, has a very serious side. It comes out when she is triggered emotionally. This is the face I’m talking about below where she is feeling overwhelmed.

Fueling the machine....Eli is a size 12 shoe and about an inch away from passing me in height. How can this be happening?

She read part of a prayer on Thursday during the schools morning church service. She was allowed to come say hi after the service. I can honestly say it's the widest she has ever smiled at me. It was the most wonderful gift. When I watched her earlier in the front, it was the first time in a while I wondered what her birth parents would think of her. I think of them constantly. But could they comprehend her life and what is available to her?

Tom made the most awesome chicken soup....

And as I read back through this blog a week after I originally wrote it, I can't believe the timing. Out of nowhere the other day Sidney looked outside and said, "It's night time in China right now Mom. Don't ask me how I know. I just do." I continued with a conversation about time and it being a different day in China. "I have a China mom, and I don't know who she is. I don't even know her name." 

I don't know why, but whenever this stuff comes up I become completely calm and am able to talk about it without feeling upset or becoming emotional. I think it's what I know I have to do for her to deal with the situation best as she grows up.

"Yes Sidney,  but God knows her name. He knows her, and he watches over her." "I know Mom." It's those moments that snap me back into the reality of why I speak so openingly about her adoption, about her story, about what goes on in this part of the world. 

 I talked with my adoptive moms from our travel group on Facebook. They are amazing. We are immediately able to understand one another in that moment. We are all walking the same road. It's in those moments I am entirely thankful for social media. Within minutes of sharing, my message indicator lit up. And they were so encouraging, letting me know this is so positive. She is talking about it.

I could go on forever, but I will share more in the coming weeks.