December Past and Present

Another Christmas season is upon us. I find myself going through the motions of a traditional Christmas, in my warm and comfortable home, contemplating Sidney's life last December. During these moments I am lost in thought, only to come out of my revelry at the sight of Sidney dancing to Jingle Bells. Like a popular adoption song says, "what has been is lost in what will be."

Thinking about Sidney's life in China, I think not only of last December but of her first six weeks of life, in an environment so different from anything by Western standards. This period of time will remain a mystery to all of us. If I had to guess her life would likely have mimicked what I saw the day we flew into her province. On the approach for landing, air blew across the the rice paddies below from the power of the landing plane. People stood below, planting rice, as the water rippled around their legs. Statistically speaking, the majority of abandoned girls are from rural areas.


As adoptive parents, we are given medical reports which give some clues. Nothing specific is given about about day-to-day life other than to say she lived a routine life. We sent a disposable camera in a care package to the orphanage. From what we could see, it was sparse but appeared clean and new. Sidney likely moved into a new facility last December. Construction of the new orphanage facility was completed around this time. Prior to moving into the new facility, Sidney lived in a much older building next door. We did not receive any photos of her caretakers. These are the people who taught her to hold herself up when being held walking around, allowed us to make eye contact on her first day with us, and did the best they could with the minuscule resources available.

We believe some of Sidney's routine might also have revolved around contact with the U.S. based organization Half the Sky. This organization provides children with extra care and medical treatment. For children staying in an orphanage their entire life, it is the closest they will come to a family. They can provide us with additional information if they had contact with Sidney. We are faxing a questionnaire in. Our referral information indicates Sidney interacted with "grandma's." This particular organization hires elderly women from the community to come into the orphanage and interact with the children. This could also explain why Sidney did so well interacting with Tom and I on those first few days in China.


It is the hours when she was not being fed, bathed, spending time in her crib, or sleeping that we wonder most about. This question comes to mind, because Sidney is finally to the point where she is content to simply be. Meaning, she is able to simply hang out and know it is OK to get out of our laps and play or explore. Before she mixed between playing for short periods and coming back to Tom or I, looking for the reassurance that we had not gone anywhere. She understands if we are holding her, we will hold her again. She went through a period where putting her down to do something else was not an option. I have learned to do many things like unloading the dishwasher or making a batch of cookies for the school bizarre with Sidney in the carrier. After my back was breaking, I remembered reading that you should start all over and put her back into the carrier, if a child was regressing. I did this and two weeks later, she is secure in allowing me to put her down. Consistency is the best thing in her routine. This has caused me to say no to things and understand that what Sidney needs right now is time.

This consistency is what has allowed me to watch her relax in my arms. Those first few days in Changsha, it was obvious she had been carried around but never cuddled in someones lap. She sat in my lap but not next to my body, closer to my knees and straight as an arrow not really relaxing. She allowed me to feed her bottles but kind of gave me a deer in headlights look. As the trust and understanding grew, she started to move back, first to simply rest against me, then allowing her head to fall back. I remember the first time she did this, she let out a sigh. Kind of like, is this what life is really supposed to be like? She now trusts so fully that she falls asleep all the time in my lap, and once she is out, she is out. She no longer startles awake, she knows where she is and does not bat an eye. These are the small triumphs that make three years of waiting seem like a walk in the park.

We could obviously go on forever about the differences. What counts most is what is happening now. We are witnessing a triumph of the human spirit. But just when I have forgotten there was a time when Sidney was living her former life, I look into those soulful eyes which have certainly seen enough for a lifetime.