My Amazing and Complex Girl

I’ve started writing this post many different times over the last couple of months, but I couldn’t decide how to explain. I couldn’t figure out how to write about our experience, because joy and happiness trump the complexities in Sidney’s behavior. I didn’t want it to overshadow all we have overcome.  Yet, my objective has always been to share openly. Not everything is cute photos and fun. Sorry to be Debbie downer, but I want my blog to be real. So, our flowers are not staying in the attic. Here we go. 

Over summer, we enrolled Sidney in summer preschool. She is ahead of her 3 years. She is amazingly smart, and she needed the challenge. So, off she went. Her teachers reported back, she was quiet, followed directions, and did a good job. Without hesitation, we enrolled her in fall preschool 3 days per week. In the 6 months since, she has grown to love the program. 

After a couple of weeks, we started receiving reports from the teacher. She has difficulty keeping her hands to herself, and her behavior typically regresses during down time, like standing in line or carpet time. She isn’t mean, she has the need to pick and poke and touch the other kids. We’ve tried putting her in the back of the line, moving her carpet square, and it hasn’t relented. Before I get ahead of myself, I know we are talking about 3 year old preschool and much of it is learning appropriate behavior in an educational environment. I also want to interject, if she’s completing work, she stays on task, and her work is beautiful. Tom and I are shocked at the level of work she completes. Her coloring is almost perfect. However, the contrasts in behavior are sounding alarms.

After talking with other adoptive parents and doing a ton of reading, Tom and I are comfortable in acknowledging Sidney has post-traumatic stress. This is no surprise. It’s obvious most kids with any time in an orphanage are impacted to some degree.  Sensory integration dysfunction is part of post-traumatic stress. Neglect is powerful, and the impact of neglect on a developing brain is profound. In basic terms, she wasn’t touched or held enough as a baby, so her brain is attempting to make up for the lack of stimulation. This kind of behavior typically plays out in the first years of preschool. And if it’s ignored, it gets worse.

So, what do we do? I am searching out sensory activities to see if it eases her symptoms. We are starting in a practical manner. I’m not calling professionals. Other adoptive parents will understand, adoptive parents have a hard time staying on the same page as medical professionals. Of course, this doesn’t mean always. I’ve seen knowledgeable medical professionals floundering for answers. I’m comfortable in trying to work with her first. Of course, I’m not entirely stubborn. If we need guidance, we will seek it out.  

It breaks my heart to think all of this is the result of something so completely preventable. But, I continue to maintain an attitude of privilege – the privilege of helping her heal. I’m also trying not to let my mind go 100 mph, thinking about the spring. In April, we have another consult with the hand surgeon. If it’s absolutely necessary, we will make revisions to the scar tissue on her hand, but if there’s any chance we can wait another year, we will do so. A lot of healing, emotionally, is taking place. I feel like all this fight, inside Sidney, is helping her turn a corner. I don’t want to go in the opposite direction. If we must, then we will deal with the situation through lots of prayer.

So, this is what’s up, and I will continue to update the blog as we seek answers.