Christmas Recap

I’m hoping my coffee kicks in soon. I’ve been getting up at 5:00AM to swim. I swim 4-5 miles a week. The kids are on break, so I have to find time while Tom is home. Bear with me; I’ll try to put coherent thoughts together. This is only one part of our completely altered schedule over Christmas break. I’m itching to have school routine. I’m going to print off a calendar for Sidney and X off the days.

I have to comment on proud I am. She’s doing amazingly well all things considered. She’s been thrown into loads of people, eating in noisy places, and the generally over stimulating nature of the holidays, and there is a noticeable improvement over last year. If I tell her it’s important to eat, she’s sitting down in a noisy room and doing so. If I tell her, we’re going to grandma’s house for a little while, eating, opening gifts, and coming home after a while, she’s content with the answer. It doesn’t mean it’s easy in between, but I can tell her anxiety in over stimulating situations is easing somewhat. There are moments of anxiety rather than a constant state of flittering around.

Meanwhile, Eli is relishing the time away from school. He cracks me up. We went down to our good friend’s house the other night and played the Wii dance game. Jill, my BFF (I only use this phrase, because it’s hilarious) and I were amazed at his outgoing nature. He’s typically quiet and reserved in school. At home, he’s the polar opposite. He put his whole self into the routine. That was only after the kids came downstairs to find the adults playing the game. Land of 1000 Dances will never be the same. Tom can do quite an alligator. Did I say we are slightly uninhibited in our family?  There’s incriminating video of yours truly floating around somewhere.

As I write about the joy in our season, my thoughts constantly go back to Sidney’s “brothers and sisters” in Chenzhou. I’m talking about the kids she left behind in the orphanage. Their wellbeing never leaves me completely, and it shouldn’t. That’s the part about being an adoptive parent that’s not written in the books you read beforehand. If you think of the kids still waiting to come home, include them in your prayers. I can’t look at the abundance around me without thinking of them. My future plans include doing some kind of fundraiser for Half the Sky, but I need to put it together. I know I can choose where to direct the funds, and I will send them directly to Sidney’s orphanage. Look for upcoming information.

Okay, I’m off to my day which includes more work, prepping for the next Christmas and finding a couple of items I’ve never heard of. We are off to BobBob and JeanJean’s this weekend. According to Sidney Grandpa BobBob is one of the funniest people she knows. One day we were randomly getting into the car before school, and she announced to no one in particular, “Grandpa BobBob’s funny!” Notice the double use of my parent’s names. She’s done this since she came home, and it stuck. My nephew Finn even uses a double name for Grandpa BobBob and Grandma JeanJean. 

Yesterday wrapped up three Christmas performances involving one or both kids in a week. In light of what happened, in Connecticut, I think this morning’s Christmas Sunday School program was something positive to focus on. I don’t think I’m unique from anyone else in the country that’s struggling with the gravity of the event which took place. So many lives senselessly taken. Unfortunately with a 10 year old is in the house, there’s not much that remains a secret. Saturday morning as I got out of bed and came downstairs to greet Eli, it was the first question he asked.

What followed wasn’t an easy conversation. How does a parent explain? I chose not to sidestep the facts. There were many children who died. We will never completely know what was wrong with the person who did it. We have to pray for the families of the victims. They need as much strength as possible. We talked about our faith and beliefs about the person who did this. I told him to talk to me if he has questions, and I know eventually something will come up in the car. Eli and I have solved the world’s problems in the car, always in the car. There’s something about mom being preoccupied by driving that makes it less threatening for him to bring up weighty conversations.

That’s when I made the personal decision the TV was going off. I no longer look at the news on the internet when the kids are in the room, and when I talked with my mom she passed along another piece of helpful information she heard someone talking about. Once you’ve talked about it with your kids don’t keep rehashing it. And I agree, there is no way Eli can comprehend the gravity of what took place. 

I almost think discussing such weighty matters will be simpler with Sidney when she’s the same age. There’s worldliness to her short time on the planet that’s unexplainable.  There’s an innocence that’s been lost. That doesn’t mean the sparkle of a small child isn’t there. I saw it on Thursday night at the end of the school Christmas play. As Santa came literally dancing down the aisle, Sidney’s face became 100% child. Her entire being was lit up and amazed at this man in a red suit. It’s a gift to witness. As the little kids were invited up to sit in Santa’s lap, she took off without hesitation, leaving her mother in the dust.  

“Yes Sidney the alphabet soup went to Martha’s brain. If mommy buys you alphabet soup, it will not go to your brain and give you more words. No, alphabet soup cannot make a dog talk.” So was the dialog coming back from preschool this morning for the fifth time this week. Sidney is convinced alphabet soup can actually go to a dogs brain instead of its stomach like Martha on M*rtha Speaks on P*S. She’s obsessed with the cartoon right now. Sidney asked if she could eat alphabet anyway. How was I supposed to know it’s been replaced by characters and stars? At least I tried. 

Snow! Is that an ornery face or what?

Sidney spent an afternoon in “playtime” yesterday. We have difficulty getting her to eat in different environments, and with kindergarten next year, we decided it might be a good idea to help her learn to eat at school. Thankfully, the adult in charge has experience in this area. She’s gone to the extent of leaving small plastic zipped bags of treats out, so she knows it’s there. This is one of the many reasons we continue sending our kids to private school.

This leads me to Eli. He’s in fifth grade this year. We have a public school, but there were a couple of things that happened when he was in kindergarten that lead us to private education. Beyond 8^th grade, the grades cut off, and he goes to public high school. His class size continues to shrink. I’ve also observed that kids sometimes have a tough adjustment to go from this small protected environment in 8^th grade to public high school in 9^th. Thankfully, if we make this choice, he already has a good friend in the public school that he hangs out with.

My trombone player.

Tonight we are on the second concert of the week of three. Miss Sidney is more than excited to stand on stage and sing her heart out. Anytime she is the center of attention and singing, she is happy. And music and singing have always been a constant for her. I’ll never forget her coming home from China and singing a haunting melody with theatrical motions. Of course, I didn’t understand a word and was totally blown away. She was only 16 months, but it was obviously something rehearsed that she’d learned.

Okay, time to break Eli the news that he will be taking a shower before his concert.  I don’t know what doesn’t register about good hygiene for a 10 year old boy.

Regular or Decaff?

With school and more time around a variety of kids, we notice a recurring theme. Typically, it begins with Sidney counting her fingers. Then she places her tiny palms against mine as I instinctively lower my ring and pinkie fingers. Our hands match. Then Sidney lowers her hands and begins counting my fingers. She’s gotten to 10 instead of six. It’s in this moment that she repeats the same words. “I have three. You have five.”  In the last several weeks, she has come to the clear realization her hands are hands are different from her family and people around her. I remember commenting a couple of years ago that we existed in a bubble, meaning she didn’t identify with any differences in her physical makeup. It was a luxury, and I basked in it.

“Mine are different Mommy. Daddy you have big hands.” We reassure her, “God made you perfect for what you need to do. Have you seen mommy’s toes?” She looks perplexed and looks down at my stubby toes. “Mommy those are yucky!” I nod my agreement later coming to the realization I have agreed to the ugliness of my own feet. I explain my feet are perfect for what I need to do. There is nothing she can’t do with three fingers. She was created for what she needs to do.  

But I know the stares, and she is starting to pick up on all of this. Children are forthright in their attitudes, expressions, and vocabulary. Its natural curiosity and I certainly can’t blame them. Honestly, I’d never seen anything like Sidney’s anomalies prior to bringing her home. It’s until I see a sideways glance that I remember there is any difference. Her hands and leg have zero impact on the day to day normalcy of our lives, and its great her mom could give a rats gluteus maximus (I can’t say a** in a family blog) about stares. I meet them with a knowing smile, offering grace. I think about how I might have reacted before bringing Sidney home.

Challenges in life are positive. It’s a blatant reminder of our purpose and God’s will for Tom and I to continue in our pursuit of advocating for the best of her needs. Whether this includes my refusal of any special needs programs or Tom’s response to the question “Where is she from?” And his response “____, Iowa.”  While we advocate and continue to count six fingers across two hands, we continue repeating our mantra. “You only need a ring and pinkie finger to drink tea, holding your pinkie finger in the air.” Good thing we are coffee drinkers.

Blogable Moments



Growing finally! 1 1/2 inches in the last five months.

Fall months with two kids in school typically equals illness. We’re experiencing the first bug of the school year. Mom’s wishing for a big enough Cl*rox wipe to erase the germs in the house. While Eli laid around hacking and coughing, I juggled taking on huge project. Thankfully, I manage my own hours so such lengthy endeavors will probably only come up every few months? I work on Elance. I highly recommend it as a way to earn money, especially if you’re saving for adoption. This was how we saved a small portion.

The very LONG wait for the surgeon. Thank you Angry Birds!

I’m sleepy, so I hope this all makes sense! We took Sidney to the university hospital for her checkup last week. Our regular hand surgeon is on medical leave until this winter, so we talked to a different hand surgeon. We know Sidney is growing. This means her hands are shifting and changing. Sidney was home six months during her first syndactyly reconstruction meaning the doctor separated her fused or webbed fingers using a skin graft. Scar tissue buildup is common on the surgical site where skin grafts were used to separate the two originally fused fingers. In Sidney’s case, the scar tissue is causing her finger to be in a permanently bent position which leads to further joint damage.  

Sidney's constant protector, insisting on coming along. Every girl should be so lucky
to have this sweet boy for their brother.

Since our original surgeon is out on medical leave, and Sidney has a complex situation, the surgeon recommended waiting until after the holidays and come back early next spring. He indicated the scar release is typically more complicated than the first surgery, however there is a chance there will only be one more surgery following or none at all until she is fully grown. This seems very manageable. If our original surgeon is not off of medical leave, we will discuss surgery with the surgeon we saw last Friday. The pediatric orthopedic clinic we use is the best. It’s one of the top clinics in the nation. If you are reading this, and you want further information for a similar orthopedic issue, please email me off the blog. I am happy to help in any way possible. I know many of the patients come from areas far out of state for this specific clinic. We are blessed to live a little over an hour away.

And while some people in our lives that hear us talking about frequenting orthopedic clinics might think this must be somehow frightening, I’ve never felt that way. It’s part of loving Sidney, and there has never been a doubt that God is driving the bus. Tom and I laugh sometimes about our experiences with Sidney while waiting through the slow China process, the long month we waited to get into the orthopedic clinic to figure out what was going on, and finally monitoring her care. It’s quite simple if a person remembers God is driving the bus, and you are simply a passenger along for the ride. And thank goodness He’s in control, because I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to orchestrate all of this!

We assume she will need the scar revision early next spring. My thought is if it needs to be done let’s get the surgery, cast, and splint over with before it’s time to hit the pool again in the summer. There’s too much living that goes on in the summer to have a cast as an obstacle. Okay, I’m done with my projects for the week of Thanksgiving, and I’m looking forward to extended sessions of cleaning my house in preparation for Christmas decorating and enjoying turkey!

 

A moment from the madness...

Finally I’m catching up. Sidney is on her morning off from school, hanging out watching Puuca. I had to G**gle it to make sure it is about Chinese people. She loves it, and I’m thrilled she’s listening to anything related to China.  If you’ve watched it, much of the animation has Chinese themed buildings and backgrounds. We seem to be turning a small corner to China. One day she made reference, and I can’t remember what we were discussing, to “bad China.” We’ve been able to offset this fear with an understanding of “good China.”  Of course “good China” doesn’t involve hearing the language spoken. That’s one challenge I think will take her a long time to overcome. I’m envious of other adoptive parents that can send their kids to Chinese cultural centers for activities and classes. I think if she was exposed often enough she might be able to understand it doesn’t have to be associated with negativity.  There’s been a brief window with the owner of our local Chinese restaurant. She speaks to Sidney in English, however she teachers her one word phrases. This doesn’t seem to be as intimidating for her.

And speaking of the little miss, as quickly as Sidney reverted a couple of weeks ago, she popped back to her old self.  Adoption is metamorphosis. Part of the changes that take place as she continues to shed her rough exterior (any parent who adopts knows there isn’t a set time for emotional healing), I am reminded to everyone outside of her close friends and family, she is every bit a regular American girl. Yet as Tom and I know, there is an emotional fragility that’s hard to explain.  That being said, fragile is not the word I use to describe her feisty disposition.

I can’t remember if I posted Eli in his glasses. I’m assuming not, because he seems to resist any effort  on my part at photography. His teacher pulled me aside at the beginning of the school year, noticing he was having difficulty seeing the board.  His work was starting to suffer. I was shocked to see papers coming home with all kinds of red. I’m not bragging when I say Eli is a smart kid. This wasn’t his normal. It was my trigger that something was definitely wrong. After waiting a month we went to the eye doctor. Once he got the glasses and adjusted to them, his work was back to normal. And he’s been good  (so far!) about taking care of them. Plus, and he would not be happy mom was saying this, he looks adorable.

Breaking the Bubble

                                                                                 

Well the bubble burst. Any adoptive mom understands positive school behavior is met with cautious optimism. As I picked up Sidney a sad face looked up saying, “I got in trouble Mommy.” After confirming the information with the teacher’s assistant, I fastened her into the car seat to hear the words I already understood. “Mommy I couldn’t keep my hands down. I want to be a good girl.” We spent time in a loud bright wedding reception over the weekend, meaning sensory overload.

I spent time after school visiting with her teacher on the phone. She let me know it wasn’t anything overly dramatic. She simply couldn’t keep her hands to herself.  She so understood, commenting that she is still young, and if you factor in her age with the amount of time she was in the orphanage; she spent more than 25% of her life in this unhealthy emotional and physical environment. She ended by saying “We will give her all the love and respect she deserves.”  This comment was an answer to our prayers. As adoptive parents we say a lot of prayers that teachers might get our kids individual needs. It’s tough to distinguish sensory behaviors, but she fully gets it.

But like everything else with a four year old, one part is up when the other is down. I’ve talked a lot about getting Sidney to eat. Between giardia and a lack of food, she has a very different attitude about eating than Eli had. Let’s just say at 4 years old he ate with gusto. She’s started asking for seconds and saying she’s hungry more often. This is a huge obstacle we’ve crossed.  It also helps that she’s old enough to communicate the importance of nutrition for her overall wellbeing.

We have a check up on hands at the university hospital next month. We are praying surgery isn’t needed, but I know with growth comes the need to tweak and adjust. If you’re just tuning in, a hand reconstruction was completed on each hand, in two different procedures, six months apart. She’d only been home six months when we had the first procedure. Its delicate work but doubly so when you’re working with only three fingers on each side and tiny hands.

I’ll push not to do another reconstruction if it’s not physically necessary. Her dexterity is so good. However I know if something physically needs to be done, it’s a blessing to know we can provide the best. It’s also advantageous to get it completed and fully healed before kindergarten starts next year. And according to Sidney’s preschool teacher she’s a “good little student.” And as moms of girls from China, we all kind of grimace when people repetitively say “She’s so tiny, she’s so small.” Sidney’s teacher is allowed. I don’t think she’s five foot.

Okay off to see what’s in my work que.