Crawling to the Computer

Two down and  two to go or shall I say I hope the other two are spared. It’s swift and severe but 36 hours later I sat upright and consumed food. I’m not saying it tasted good or that I want to look at food for the next few days, but the worst is done. I feel worse for Tom and Eli. Both have been spared its wrath for the time being. Sidney had six children out of her class on Friday. Tom played stay at home mom yesterday while delivering me ice and  seven up with his shirt over his face. He placed me on quarantine.

I'm looking for my camera, so I'm doing a rewind!

Meanwhile, Sidney is back to normal. Much as I hate not spending time with our family on the weekend with Tom here, it’s a great opportunity for him to spend time with the kids one on one. That’s something that rarely happens without mom present. After sleeping several hours this afternoon, I drug myself to the kitchen. I was shocked when I heard Sidney calling Tom baba. I thought I missed a conversation upstairs, but Tom told me it hadn’t come up and that she’d also built a house in China. It’s so interesting to see how this all comes up during play. There are many times we’ve observed her playing recently, listening to her say things about babies, adoption, and China. It’s her way of inwardly processing, and it’s amazing to watch it all unfold.

And on a very unrelated side note, I completed a work project on the subject of human trafficking. As an adoption community we tend to be aware of international and domestic issues. I’m not saying we are the only people interested in the welfare of others; however we seem to be attuned. Take the time to read about it. It’s in our backyard, and it’s everywhere. It doesn’t happen to only impoverished people living in bad neighborhoods. It happens to unknowing kids meeting at a mall and going to another friend’s house that has a friend over, it happens to people who have been victims of abuse. It’s coming to the forefront, but it’s slow. Also incorporated into the topic was human labor trafficking. Total there are 27 million people enslaved worldwide. It’s something that deserves our attention and prayer.

Okay I’m descending my soapbox for the evening, getting some seven up and ice and heading to my pillow.

Obstacle Courses and Cakes

Understand with the story I’m about to tell that I used to roll my eyes at people’s cute kid stories. That was obviously prior to having my own cute kid stories. As Sidney was sitting in my lap waiting for the requisite minute to pass while applying a temporary tattoo, she looked up at the counter and asked in very clear speech as if to impress me with her speaking ability while bucking for a treat before lunch, “Can I have a graham crapper mommy?” 

"Mom really? Hurry up!" 

First place in the Marine's category.

Sidney was invited to her first birthday party with a classmate this year. I think any adoptive parent will understand when I say the most ordinary activities are the most special. Watching her carefree attitude and seeing her joy at the smallest of things makes us all smile. It was on a Sunday, so Dad was able to share in the fun by being the parent in attendance. Eli and I were working tediously on his cake. It was his last cake auction in Cub scouts. Parents help create a cake and businesses in town purchase them. It’s a great way to raise funds. Besides, who can resist a scout proudly walking in front of the audience with their cake mom teeters on the edge of her seat waiting for the precariously positioned cake to slide off the board as the tiny scout can barely carrie it back and forth.  There were a couple of near misses last night. Eli got first place in his division!

I'm so glad Eli convinced me not to do a tank!

Meanwhile we are watching our cats slow decent. Ralph is 15 years old, and we are seeing him begin to fail. Like an older person, he has his good days and his bad days. Unfortunately, losing a pet is tough. There’s no way to go around it. We’ve had the tough talk with the kids already about a pet having a good life until the end. This includes not dragging things out too long in order to satisfy our own needs to have a pet versus doing what’s humane and gives the animal dignity. Wouldn’t you know after my speech he rallied around the next day? He’s sleeping next to me on the couch and continues his geriatric howl each morning to be fed.

Okay, I’m off to finish work. 

And so begins my season of sanity...

I'm sitting here listening to Sidney playing.You know your child is an orthopedic patient when their play consists of the doll going through x-ray with normal or abnormal results. We are at the end of a very long break. I have one child bursting to go back to school and the other in a period of mourning. Sidney misses the structure and her friends.  Much like his father, Eli is in slow motion a majority of the time and no school means not being rushed. 

That's right Sidney  you are "Rad Like Dad."

The break was blessedly uneventful outside of me breaking a tooth. Is this what happens when you’re 38 and 40 is looming around the corner? You start highlighting your hair more and spitting pieces of your tooth into your hand?

Okay off to relax and mentally prepare for another week sans broken tooth.

Christmas Recap

I’m hoping my coffee kicks in soon. I’ve been getting up at 5:00AM to swim. I swim 4-5 miles a week. The kids are on break, so I have to find time while Tom is home. Bear with me; I’ll try to put coherent thoughts together. This is only one part of our completely altered schedule over Christmas break. I’m itching to have school routine. I’m going to print off a calendar for Sidney and X off the days.

I have to comment on proud I am. She’s doing amazingly well all things considered. She’s been thrown into loads of people, eating in noisy places, and the generally over stimulating nature of the holidays, and there is a noticeable improvement over last year. If I tell her it’s important to eat, she’s sitting down in a noisy room and doing so. If I tell her, we’re going to grandma’s house for a little while, eating, opening gifts, and coming home after a while, she’s content with the answer. It doesn’t mean it’s easy in between, but I can tell her anxiety in over stimulating situations is easing somewhat. There are moments of anxiety rather than a constant state of flittering around.

Meanwhile, Eli is relishing the time away from school. He cracks me up. We went down to our good friend’s house the other night and played the Wii dance game. Jill, my BFF (I only use this phrase, because it’s hilarious) and I were amazed at his outgoing nature. He’s typically quiet and reserved in school. At home, he’s the polar opposite. He put his whole self into the routine. That was only after the kids came downstairs to find the adults playing the game. Land of 1000 Dances will never be the same. Tom can do quite an alligator. Did I say we are slightly uninhibited in our family?  There’s incriminating video of yours truly floating around somewhere.

As I write about the joy in our season, my thoughts constantly go back to Sidney’s “brothers and sisters” in Chenzhou. I’m talking about the kids she left behind in the orphanage. Their wellbeing never leaves me completely, and it shouldn’t. That’s the part about being an adoptive parent that’s not written in the books you read beforehand. If you think of the kids still waiting to come home, include them in your prayers. I can’t look at the abundance around me without thinking of them. My future plans include doing some kind of fundraiser for Half the Sky, but I need to put it together. I know I can choose where to direct the funds, and I will send them directly to Sidney’s orphanage. Look for upcoming information.

Okay, I’m off to my day which includes more work, prepping for the next Christmas and finding a couple of items I’ve never heard of. We are off to BobBob and JeanJean’s this weekend. According to Sidney Grandpa BobBob is one of the funniest people she knows. One day we were randomly getting into the car before school, and she announced to no one in particular, “Grandpa BobBob’s funny!” Notice the double use of my parent’s names. She’s done this since she came home, and it stuck. My nephew Finn even uses a double name for Grandpa BobBob and Grandma JeanJean. 

Yesterday wrapped up three Christmas performances involving one or both kids in a week. In light of what happened, in Connecticut, I think this morning’s Christmas Sunday School program was something positive to focus on. I don’t think I’m unique from anyone else in the country that’s struggling with the gravity of the event which took place. So many lives senselessly taken. Unfortunately with a 10 year old is in the house, there’s not much that remains a secret. Saturday morning as I got out of bed and came downstairs to greet Eli, it was the first question he asked.

What followed wasn’t an easy conversation. How does a parent explain? I chose not to sidestep the facts. There were many children who died. We will never completely know what was wrong with the person who did it. We have to pray for the families of the victims. They need as much strength as possible. We talked about our faith and beliefs about the person who did this. I told him to talk to me if he has questions, and I know eventually something will come up in the car. Eli and I have solved the world’s problems in the car, always in the car. There’s something about mom being preoccupied by driving that makes it less threatening for him to bring up weighty conversations.

That’s when I made the personal decision the TV was going off. I no longer look at the news on the internet when the kids are in the room, and when I talked with my mom she passed along another piece of helpful information she heard someone talking about. Once you’ve talked about it with your kids don’t keep rehashing it. And I agree, there is no way Eli can comprehend the gravity of what took place. 

I almost think discussing such weighty matters will be simpler with Sidney when she’s the same age. There’s worldliness to her short time on the planet that’s unexplainable.  There’s an innocence that’s been lost. That doesn’t mean the sparkle of a small child isn’t there. I saw it on Thursday night at the end of the school Christmas play. As Santa came literally dancing down the aisle, Sidney’s face became 100% child. Her entire being was lit up and amazed at this man in a red suit. It’s a gift to witness. As the little kids were invited up to sit in Santa’s lap, she took off without hesitation, leaving her mother in the dust.  

“Yes Sidney the alphabet soup went to Martha’s brain. If mommy buys you alphabet soup, it will not go to your brain and give you more words. No, alphabet soup cannot make a dog talk.” So was the dialog coming back from preschool this morning for the fifth time this week. Sidney is convinced alphabet soup can actually go to a dogs brain instead of its stomach like Martha on M*rtha Speaks on P*S. She’s obsessed with the cartoon right now. Sidney asked if she could eat alphabet anyway. How was I supposed to know it’s been replaced by characters and stars? At least I tried. 

Snow! Is that an ornery face or what?

Sidney spent an afternoon in “playtime” yesterday. We have difficulty getting her to eat in different environments, and with kindergarten next year, we decided it might be a good idea to help her learn to eat at school. Thankfully, the adult in charge has experience in this area. She’s gone to the extent of leaving small plastic zipped bags of treats out, so she knows it’s there. This is one of the many reasons we continue sending our kids to private school.

This leads me to Eli. He’s in fifth grade this year. We have a public school, but there were a couple of things that happened when he was in kindergarten that lead us to private education. Beyond 8^th grade, the grades cut off, and he goes to public high school. His class size continues to shrink. I’ve also observed that kids sometimes have a tough adjustment to go from this small protected environment in 8^th grade to public high school in 9^th. Thankfully, if we make this choice, he already has a good friend in the public school that he hangs out with.

My trombone player.

Tonight we are on the second concert of the week of three. Miss Sidney is more than excited to stand on stage and sing her heart out. Anytime she is the center of attention and singing, she is happy. And music and singing have always been a constant for her. I’ll never forget her coming home from China and singing a haunting melody with theatrical motions. Of course, I didn’t understand a word and was totally blown away. She was only 16 months, but it was obviously something rehearsed that she’d learned.

Okay, time to break Eli the news that he will be taking a shower before his concert.  I don’t know what doesn’t register about good hygiene for a 10 year old boy.

Regular or Decaff?

With school and more time around a variety of kids, we notice a recurring theme. Typically, it begins with Sidney counting her fingers. Then she places her tiny palms against mine as I instinctively lower my ring and pinkie fingers. Our hands match. Then Sidney lowers her hands and begins counting my fingers. She’s gotten to 10 instead of six. It’s in this moment that she repeats the same words. “I have three. You have five.”  In the last several weeks, she has come to the clear realization her hands are hands are different from her family and people around her. I remember commenting a couple of years ago that we existed in a bubble, meaning she didn’t identify with any differences in her physical makeup. It was a luxury, and I basked in it.

“Mine are different Mommy. Daddy you have big hands.” We reassure her, “God made you perfect for what you need to do. Have you seen mommy’s toes?” She looks perplexed and looks down at my stubby toes. “Mommy those are yucky!” I nod my agreement later coming to the realization I have agreed to the ugliness of my own feet. I explain my feet are perfect for what I need to do. There is nothing she can’t do with three fingers. She was created for what she needs to do.  

But I know the stares, and she is starting to pick up on all of this. Children are forthright in their attitudes, expressions, and vocabulary. Its natural curiosity and I certainly can’t blame them. Honestly, I’d never seen anything like Sidney’s anomalies prior to bringing her home. It’s until I see a sideways glance that I remember there is any difference. Her hands and leg have zero impact on the day to day normalcy of our lives, and its great her mom could give a rats gluteus maximus (I can’t say a** in a family blog) about stares. I meet them with a knowing smile, offering grace. I think about how I might have reacted before bringing Sidney home.

Challenges in life are positive. It’s a blatant reminder of our purpose and God’s will for Tom and I to continue in our pursuit of advocating for the best of her needs. Whether this includes my refusal of any special needs programs or Tom’s response to the question “Where is she from?” And his response “____, Iowa.”  While we advocate and continue to count six fingers across two hands, we continue repeating our mantra. “You only need a ring and pinkie finger to drink tea, holding your pinkie finger in the air.” Good thing we are coffee drinkers.