Breaking the Bubble

                                                                                 

Well the bubble burst. Any adoptive mom understands positive school behavior is met with cautious optimism. As I picked up Sidney a sad face looked up saying, “I got in trouble Mommy.” After confirming the information with the teacher’s assistant, I fastened her into the car seat to hear the words I already understood. “Mommy I couldn’t keep my hands down. I want to be a good girl.” We spent time in a loud bright wedding reception over the weekend, meaning sensory overload.

I spent time after school visiting with her teacher on the phone. She let me know it wasn’t anything overly dramatic. She simply couldn’t keep her hands to herself.  She so understood, commenting that she is still young, and if you factor in her age with the amount of time she was in the orphanage; she spent more than 25% of her life in this unhealthy emotional and physical environment. She ended by saying “We will give her all the love and respect she deserves.”  This comment was an answer to our prayers. As adoptive parents we say a lot of prayers that teachers might get our kids individual needs. It’s tough to distinguish sensory behaviors, but she fully gets it.

But like everything else with a four year old, one part is up when the other is down. I’ve talked a lot about getting Sidney to eat. Between giardia and a lack of food, she has a very different attitude about eating than Eli had. Let’s just say at 4 years old he ate with gusto. She’s started asking for seconds and saying she’s hungry more often. This is a huge obstacle we’ve crossed.  It also helps that she’s old enough to communicate the importance of nutrition for her overall wellbeing.

We have a check up on hands at the university hospital next month. We are praying surgery isn’t needed, but I know with growth comes the need to tweak and adjust. If you’re just tuning in, a hand reconstruction was completed on each hand, in two different procedures, six months apart. She’d only been home six months when we had the first procedure. Its delicate work but doubly so when you’re working with only three fingers on each side and tiny hands.

I’ll push not to do another reconstruction if it’s not physically necessary. Her dexterity is so good. However I know if something physically needs to be done, it’s a blessing to know we can provide the best. It’s also advantageous to get it completed and fully healed before kindergarten starts next year. And according to Sidney’s preschool teacher she’s a “good little student.” And as moms of girls from China, we all kind of grimace when people repetitively say “She’s so tiny, she’s so small.” Sidney’s teacher is allowed. I don’t think she’s five foot.

Okay off to see what’s in my work que.

And so are the days of our lives...

If there’s a word misspelled or a statement that doesn’t make sense, I apologize in advance. Mom cracked her glasses in half at the nose piece this week (whereby much cursing ensued), and I’m relying on a pair that I wore when Eli was born. Yes, 10 years old. I feel like drawing the blinds and staying in my house until the new pair is selected and on my face. Let’s just say the older pair isn’t doing me any favors.

Mom is working, working, working, and it’s been amazing for the balance in our home. I’m sure there are more capable stay at home mom moms out there, however if I have a period of three hours to get something done I’m going to find a way to put it off. If I only have half an hour, I’m busting it out at record speed. With this newly found sense of urgency in our household,  mom is no longer picking up after people, kids are taking ownership for their rooms, and basically doing what they should have been doing all along. I notice it was easier to simply do it myself, however that was a greater disservice to my kids. Besides, I told Eli if he ever gets married, he’ll be fully trained for his wife.  To that I received a huge eye roll. And I’m not beyond rewarding my kids for helping around the house. I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve I’ll post about another day.

 

Dad's been busy with the fall heating season, so he's seems extra fun when he has five minutes.  

Ah, my trombone player. It’s been quite a school year for Eli. If you recall (I think I wrote about it), he was struggling the beginning of the year with a different teacher and higher expectations. My belief is that he was hurrying to get his work done, and he couldn’t see. We took him in for an eye exam and found out he has moderate nearsightedness. Poor kid has probably been struggling to see a long time. I thought he would be excited, but instead he was hesitant prior to the exam, saying he probably wasn’t going to need them. After the doctor made a comment about guys needing tools for things, and glasses being tools for your eyes, he was on board. We are waiting to get the glasses, and we will post a photo or the big reveal!

And onto the little torpedo. School is still smooth. I’ve been reassured if anything is going on the teacher will let me know. Last night was an example of how far we’ve come. We went to a puppet show for 4 year olds in our school district.  The entire hour was sitting on the rug. I don’t think she would have tackled someone on the rug or started poking at them, but based on the extreme nature of her sensory issues last year, I can imagine she might have gotten up and started running around. Instead, she sat completely mesmerized by what was going on in front, only to get up and come to me when the monkey took center stage. In her defense, he was kind of creepy.

Off to finish up some work and hope the extended care can take Sidney this afternoon while I go pick out new eyes. She decided to wake up at 4am, and guess who decided to take a nap at 7:30AM?

Monday Musings

I’m looking at my blog from last week, and I’m finally getting around to posting it! Two kids in school and one mommy picking up extra work projects is creating less and less time to blog! We’ve had a crazy couple of weeks between getting back into the school routine and going out of town. First, I have to report many prayers have been answered with Sidney’s smooth adjustment to preschool. Granted, we are still very much in the honeymoon phase, however I haven’t seen any teachers bringing her to the car that look like a deer in headlights. So far, so good.  So, where to catch up? Let’s start with last weekend.

Sidney = So much art work, so little time.

We couldn’t miss our adoption agencies reunion picnic. What an awesome time we had talking to other adoptive parents and celebrating families made through adoption. While Tom and I chatted with other adoptive parents, there was easy conversation on all topics surrounding our kids. Words like LID, all she wants is carbs, sensory issues, have you had surgeries, special needs, and so many phrases I could fill the page were a normal part of the vocabulary. It’s a huge support for our family to get together with other China families.

While selfishly Tom and I were excited for the opportunity, we were somewhat worried about Sidney’s reaction. Her reaction to Ch*nese people is typically one of fear.  And why wouldn’t it be? The last time she was around Chinese people of any number was in China which included being thrust it the arms of two large people who probably looked like aliens. There’s fear and frustration on her part. It’s obvious she doesn’t understand why she feels uneasy and easily upset or why she needs to be in close physical proximity to Tom and I.  I was surprised to see her frequently going over to Eli to be picked up and held. Eli was her shelter. And like so many other times she has been around other Chinese people or a Chinese accent, she had night terrors a couple of nights afterward. This is common. Typically, she doesn’t have night terrors right away. It’s after she calms down. It’s her minds way of processing all that is going on.

After ten years of having built in playmates right next door, our neighbors are moving. I thought Eli might be the most impacted. He’s played with them since the age of three. But I noticed myself avoiding looking over at the empty porch today. I can hardly think about not standing in my kitchen yelling at the kids to get along or come in. Change isn’t easy, but we are lucky to have had playmates all this time. It will be interesting next summer.

And I don’t know if I’ve shared, but there is a very boisterous trombone player in our home. Eli started in band this month. And it was MUCH louder than I could have anticipated inside my home. Sidney frequently stands at the bottom of the stairs and yells, “EEEYYYAIIIIII (Eli)!!!” She has an authoritative voice like she’s in charge. At least she likes to think she is!

 

OK, off to the next project.

Catching Up!

It was during the days when attachment issues and tantrums were heavy that I couldn’t help but wish to fast forward to a time when Sidney had the emotional capability to simply go through the motions. So, dropping her off to preschool each morning has been a joy. She is happy and flourishing in routine.  She gives me little more than recognition when I walk out the door while she’s absorbed in whatever activity the teacher has set out to start the morning. In the past several weeks, we have turned so many corners. It’s like she’s finally allowing herself to simply be a kid.

Still going through LOTS of paints!

I’m waiting for the teacher lead walk of shame to the car, but I have yet to see one. We are aware; there is typically a honeymoon period, so we are waiting with some apprehension, but so far so good. She loves her teacher Mrs. A. while her teacher is blown away, saying “She is so grown up for being so little.” Never mind all of her 37 inches, she moves through the school arrival routine with purpose, and it’s so cool.

My little werewolf is making great strides. She’s been watching the episode on N*tflix of Alv*n and the Ch*pmunks. At least two or three times a day she lets out a series of howls. Of course it should be no surprise; she typically turns herself into a cat. I guess I should be happy for the change in routine.

Meanwhile, Eli is patiently watching over a trombone. He started band, and he was so proud to take case into the line of classmates along with two other trumpet players. I can’t believe he’s old enough to be in band. 5^th grade has been a bit bumpy, but he seems to be finding his way with the added responsibility and different teaching style of a new teacher. He’s a good student and my goal is not to let him lose his zest for knowledge.

So what are mom and dad up to? As my good friend Jill says, we are “Work Tom and Work Cara.” Tom’s always busy, but mom decided to see what she could do with contracting more writing and transcription. Turns out mom quickly went from a few hours a week to late nights, early mornings, and everything in between. I’m trying to find a happy medium.

 

 

Remembering

Do you remember where you were today 11 years ago? For me, I was on the phone with my mom. I realized something very terrifying was occuring, and I've never felt such a loss of control outside of the death of Tom's mom. We live in a crazy world, but on days like today, I try to remember what my mom reminds me. There's more good than bad in the world, and good will always squash out evil.

 

This day forever changed feeling safe, but I hope that we all somehow retain a bit of what we learned. Unity as a nation, praying for one another, and most of all knowing God never leaves our side, no matter how desperate the situation.

 

And now on to my original post......

 

Sidney likes to be center stage everywhere. From standing in front of the TV (“hi my name is Sidney, and I would like to sing you a song”), to capturing the attention of the speaker and congregation during the children’s sermon on any given Sunday (you are not the only adorable 4 year old in front), to generally making her presence known wherever she goes (in the back yard yelling “woo hoo boys” at the neighbors”), our little chilly pepper likes attention.

More Sidney artwork. I give you, the spider.

So, you can imagine her dismay not going first for “show and talent” last Thursday. No, not show and tell. I was corrected. “Show and talent.” I picked up an outwardly sullen girl from preschool. She was quiet until we got inside after driving home. Suddenly, something minor caused a flood of tears. As I picked her up to calm her down and sat down, I was thinking about how hard it is for her to adapt to a new routine. I was thinking she’s melting down, because it’s a lot to take. No, instead, I was informed she wasn’t called on for “show and talent.” No amount of explaining that her turn is coming seemed to phase her until it was actually her turn. No more drama this week, only finding the next item to take.



And more on these two in another blog. With my friend Grace.

So, school is under way. According to Eli, and the certificate he brought home from school, he can play either the trumpet or the trombone. I won’t tell you why he likes making the buzzing noise into the instrument, because that would involve an entire conversation on bodily functions. Since my sweet Kindergartener entered many school years ago, he’s thought it was the most hilarious thing. Eli was only relieved to learn he wasn’t taking up the clarinet, like his dad in elementary school. Poor Tom, playing the clarinet was an alternative to a career in flute.

I

OK, off to the rest of my day.

First Day Rewind

I've blogged about school, and I can't I didn't post pictures! Eli started two weeks ago.

The photo below could be entitled uncooperative 10 year old. And i just noticed, he's not wearing socks!

 

 

And finally, a week later, it was Sidney's turn......

 

 

 

 

 

Routine!!!

Did I say I like routine, because we are all doing better with my favorite word “structure.” We’re already on to our second week of school. Eli started last week, and we are getting used to consistent days versus no schedule. I’m kicking lollygaggers into high gear, with warnings to “shake a leg,” literally, shaking my right leg. It doesn’t typically; bring the same gales of laughter as Eli’s younger years. Now, it gets an eye roll, and a “DON’T RUSH ME!”

Sidney started 4 year old preschool this week. Thankfully, we are still in the honeymoon phase. Many of of her sensory issues haven’t surfaced, yet. This year we know how to curb her behavior. We are spending lots of quiet time together in the afternoon and moving through our days with almost militant routine. We’re going through lots of watercolor paint and spending as much time as possible outside, as well as limiting trips to noisy, bright stores.

Her teacher commented she can’t believe how grown up she is for her size. It’s one of the bittersweet things about adoption and being a second child. She came home grown up, and while she regressed in a healthy manner, her brother fills in the gaps.  While her classmates are looking forlorn, Sidney goes through the morning arrival routine with purpose.   It’s polar opposite of what I experienced with Eli.

OK, I need to get something productive done!