I have moved to Instagram. I will update it much like a blog, however this will allow me to do so from my phone making this easier to maintain. Please find us under LIFE_WITH_CARA_AND_TOM and follow our adventures. I am watching my followers on Instagram and will give you permission if I recognize you from the adoption world! 

Hi! We are still here, but I am working on a separate project, and I will have information coming in the next couple of weeks. It seems to work better with our lifestyle and quick access on my smartphone. As soon as I have my Instagram figured out you can find me there. Look for details to follow! 

Happy Birthday Sidney / Happy Easter

It’s Friday night, and we’re all collapsed around the living room in a similar manner to other Friday nights after a busy week. That is, of course, all except for Sidney who never seems to be without energy. After a birthday and Easter going back to the uneventful nature of the daily grind was anticlimactic for Sidney. No birthday presents, no Easter bunny, along with a busy schedule including holy week. She is my kid that loves to be constantly on the move and doing something. I advised her were back to regular life! 

  

Coloring eggs

Like every year my child turns a year older, it’s almost impossible for me to believe how quickly time moves once you have children. There’s no way Sidney should be seven. I think between six and seven, I’ve observed her acting the most like a child of anytime in the past six years. I thought about this the other day as I saw her skipping from one place to the next (while I also noted her limb difference doesn’t slow her down skipping!). She was carefree, and it’s amazing to see after experiencing my serious almost militant toddler. God is definitely working in her life. 

I realized after taking this photo Easter morning that it would have probably been a better shot without the rusty shovel behind he kids!
Oh well. That's real life. As with so many other holidays ad birthdays art supplies were the main ingredient. A majority of her free time is spent drawing and creating whatever she fashions out of paper, construction paper, crayons and markers. Sometimes she might throw in a random paper airplane. She can make the best planes. Eli has a book that's received a lot of great use, and she completely taught herself how to make them. 

Okay, time to find something productive to do on my Friday night like look at Pinterest or catch a rerun on Netflix.

Musings of Montezuma's Revenge

I’ve never been so happy to see the numbers 99.5. Sidney’s fever is down for the moment, but we’ll see what happens this afternoon. Eli on the other hand, is upstairs bemoaning his inability to consume anything outside of very bland food.  

Poor Tom. He’s the last man standing, and he feels like he is living in a petri dish. He was supposed to be out of town for work this week, but the trip was cancelled. I was so happy to have him over these last couple of days. “Go take a nap, and let me handle this.” He's wonderful.

For today, we are couch bound with extra cartoons and juice pouches.        

Iron Butterfly

Sidney got the flu on Monday afternoon on a day off from school. Many paper towels and squirts of 409 later, and I think she is on the mend. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me, because Sidney is typically the healthiest person in the house, recovering from any illness in half the time of a normal person. Maybe it’s her sneezing. It sounds like something that should come out of a grown man.I guess this is another reason Tom calls her our iron butterfly. She is so incredibly tough physically and mentally. And I don't mean just a little. 

Case in point, a couple of Sundays ago in church. Let me preface this next part with the understanding that Tom and I have taught our kids how to behave in church. We have never regaled them to the nursery when they were littler or believed they needed a five course meal during the service. Entertainment like coloring yes, Lunchables no (a story for another time). 

Even at 5 ft 10 in he still looks like the same little kid without his glasses on. I'm sure he would appreciate this comment - NOT!

Sidney being Sidney decided church was the perfect time to become, frankly, obstinate throughout the morning. Tom, the tougher in parenting of the two of us reminded me afterward, when she was stomping through snow I requested she stay out of, we can take away some of the tough behavior but not all. What's left will serve her well in life. I think we are a good parenting team, because at different moments we've both reminded one another of this. 

Only a totally unrelated topic did I mention it's freezing outside? The current temp is -17. Okay, I'm off to rearrange day two of school starting late at 10:00AM.

A Tale of Two Hands...

Three weeks after our appointment, I am finally updating! We visited the hand surgeon. Three procedures have been completed to date, two on Sidney’s right hand and one on her left. Both hands are considered complex syndactyly, however they are quite different from one another. Thankfully, both function well and don’t limit her fine motor skills.

Our objective with surgery is function over cosmetic enhancement, however we understand there might come a time when we can’t prevent it completely. She was home six months when she had her first surgery on the right hand. Her fingers were separated using a skin graft off her hip.

 Three years ago in May the second procedure was completed on the same hand, revising the scar tissue which is an inevitable part of having the first procedure. Both procedures required casting for six weeks and a splint for several weeks following. None of it slowed her down, but frankly having a cast when you are small and petite is uncomfortable. I will never forget her dragging around the heavy cast while lumbering around with her limb difference. She was quite frustrated and who could blame her.

The surgeon noticed the separated fingers are tipping in toward one another, however there isn't much we can do with this. She suggested trying a splint. We have been unsuccessful in the past.  Turns out a child in the throes of issues with attachment doesn't deal with a splint pushing on both sides of fingers previously joined together. We had to choose our battles, and that wasn’t one I was going to fight. It was so strange. I’m always in favor of preventing surgery if at all possible, but I knew as a mother I couldn't push her any harder emotionally. Tom and I made the choice to let mother nature take its course. I think even if she had worn a splint between procedures a revision would have been necessary.  Even under the best of circumstances skin grafts heal into thick pieces of skin. 

After looking at her hands now the surgeon decided we are fine to do a splint. We know her fingers are going to do what they are going to do. The best we can try for is to prevent them from turn in towards one another even more. I explained our previous difficulty to the surgeon but let her know if she told her to wear it, she might comply. After telling her it was only something to tack onto her bedtime routine like brushing her teeth, we have been very successful getting her to wear it! 

This week was Catholic schools week, so mom came in to eat lunch with the kids. Eli is in the orange shirt in the background,

And in case you are wondering what a 7th graders locker looks like this is

 an accurate depiction.

As I was admiring my adorable daughter I noticed the unidentified splatter on the locker next to her. Sometimes it's best not to know. 

I'm having a difficult time accepting how big Eli is getting! He's only 12. I can't imagine what he's going to look like in a couple of years!

Christmas

Two Christmases down, one to go. My family is today with Grandpa Bob Bob and Grandma Jean Jean. So over the river literally and on the slab (Tom’s reference to the highway leading to my parent’s community about 40 minutes away) we go. Having a day off in between Christmas Day and today was a necessary coincidence. After the excitement of Christmas Eve with Tom’s family and our own family Christmas, Sidney was able to unwind a bit. That is until she realized the next day she was seeing her cousin Finn. 

This year she created gifts for everyone. I watched her making pictures out of all of her art supplies. When I was looking away, massive quantities of scotch tape were used in the construction of these masterpieces. I went to find some decorative fabric ribbon for Sunday School gifts. The new rolls I bought mysteriously went missing. One time around the wrapped package isn’t enough according to what I found later when it was too late. Double it up around the package. Note to self. Keep my eye on her craft supply intake.

If only fake facial hair were real facial hair.

This occasion is one of a couple over this particular holiday that I’ve had to maintain an extreme level of patience. She is on sensory overload. There is an official term for what she is doing, but Tom and I call it spinning. Flighty, from one activity to the next without much focus, cranky behavior, easier meltdowns. Eli on the other hand is in heaven. No amount of relaxation is enough. And when your aunt has supplied movies for gifts and a friend has given you candy for the class exchange, well that’s about all a boy needs. Factor in the cell phone received for a gift, and you have a recipe for a happy tween. I could go on for hours about all the discussions Tom and I had before making this purchase. Should we get him one? Should we wait? Is it really necessary? Can he continue to use my phone while we are gone despite the fact that it is inconvenient, because I can’t immediately email my clients back which I insist upon doing if at all possible. In the end, the practical decision was for him to have a phone.

My friend wrote a great contract for her son when he received his phone. It includes things like the phone being on the counter in the kitchen in the same spot by 9PM every night plugged in. Parents have ultimate control, meaning it can be taken away at any time. Having the phone is a privilege. In addition, we thought it completely unnecessary for him to have a smartphone. He has a tablet he earned a couple of summers ago working off the money for me doing chores. Tom and I discussed how frightening the internet truly can be, factoring in access anytime over a phone with a 12 year old. The phone and text is necessary in our daily lives. Internet access for a tween anytime is not.

Okay, time to start another day! 

Musings of Trees

We went out for our Christmas tree. Tom grew up with fake trees. He has been over ruled since Eli was born. No fake trees. So we set out to find the perfect tree. 

We tromped all over looking the perfect fraser fir. Total cost $25. We found a great little place for half the cost of the dog and pony show we used to go to. Now Tom needs to stop telling people about it before they raise their prices. Even Eli in his tween rejection of all things uncool was excited and on board for the event. So I decided to attempt a family photo to record the event. 

As any normal family knows these events can soon turn into something entirely different. Am I actually gnashing my teeth in the photo? Anyway, this picture already makes me laugh, so I am including it in the post. Just keeping it real.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

Turkeys By My Turkey

I posted this last Sunday but am finally sharing. Our church starts Christmas program rehearsal the week before Thanksgiving. I asked Sidney how it went driving home from church. "We practiced for the show mom. I'm a wise man,and I have to be stinky." Okay then. Sometimes it's better not to ask. 

"So much to say, so much to say..."

Settle in. This is a long one...

I sat at lunch with Sidney yesterday hardly recognizing the girl wolfing down a hot ham and cheese. I liked observing her routine during this particular part of the day. I was pleasantly surprised the kindergarten and first grade teachers watch over them, standing there making sure they are eating while maintaining a quiet environment until they are done. This might sound a bit overbearing, however this is exactly the environment Sidney needs to focus on eating. 

As I sat with seven first graders, I was moved to heights of popularity. “Are you supposed to stay quiet the whole time you eat,” I asked in stunned silence, looking at them move through the motions. 20 minutes isn’t long when you’re in first grade. “We can talk if we have a visitor,” I was advised. Throughout lunch I was quizzed on math facts and given the rundown of how many kids knew Tom (if you are new to our story - my husband). It seems when you are a heating and cooling person in a small town, most people have had you in their house at one point or another.

So thankful for people like my dad who are veterans. Sidney made this at school. 

As Sidney ate her lunch, I realized it was the second time this week I had seen an area where she has grown. Sometimes we refer to Sidney as an, “old soul.” I should explain first, Sidney is a very happy girl. I think school in many ways has taught her to be a kid. That being said, a child who experiences serious neglect in the first part of their life, in survival mode for extended periods, has a very serious side. It comes out when she is triggered emotionally. This is the face I’m talking about below where she is feeling overwhelmed.

Fueling the machine....Eli is a size 12 shoe and about an inch away from passing me in height. How can this be happening?

She read part of a prayer on Thursday during the schools morning church service. She was allowed to come say hi after the service. I can honestly say it's the widest she has ever smiled at me. It was the most wonderful gift. When I watched her earlier in the front, it was the first time in a while I wondered what her birth parents would think of her. I think of them constantly. But could they comprehend her life and what is available to her?

Tom made the most awesome chicken soup....

And as I read back through this blog a week after I originally wrote it, I can't believe the timing. Out of nowhere the other day Sidney looked outside and said, "It's night time in China right now Mom. Don't ask me how I know. I just do." I continued with a conversation about time and it being a different day in China. "I have a China mom, and I don't know who she is. I don't even know her name." 

I don't know why, but whenever this stuff comes up I become completely calm and am able to talk about it without feeling upset or becoming emotional. I think it's what I know I have to do for her to deal with the situation best as she grows up.

"Yes Sidney,  but God knows her name. He knows her, and he watches over her." "I know Mom." It's those moments that snap me back into the reality of why I speak so openingly about her adoption, about her story, about what goes on in this part of the world. 

 I talked with my adoptive moms from our travel group on Facebook. They are amazing. We are immediately able to understand one another in that moment. We are all walking the same road. It's in those moments I am entirely thankful for social media. Within minutes of sharing, my message indicator lit up. And they were so encouraging, letting me know this is so positive. She is talking about it.

I could go on forever, but I will share more in the coming weeks. 

And the award for best costume is...

Trick or treating was spent chasing behind two first graders. My niece in the middle and Sidney were almost at a dead run until we slowed them down. Tom is from a town small enough you can go door to door. This was only after Sidney and I  completed our downtown. Let's say it was a relief to see her with her cousin carefree. Too much noise and excess energy are not always easy for Sidney.

I was grateful it was Friday night and I didn't have to get her up early the next day. That is until construction across the street resumed at 7:40am. Our previous neighbors moved and the house was torn down making way for new construction.

Eli seemed to take it okay that he was not going to be able to take part in the festivities and instead sat with Grandpa Rich watching some kind of wilderness survival reality show. I tell Tom I need way too many creature comforts and critique why anyone might want to endure such hardship while he tries to drown out my voice.

I want to mention Orphan Sunday despite the fact that I am late.  Children anywhere without a family are a heartache. I sometimes grow weary of people's lack of attention and treating the situation no matter where the child as something completely off the radar.  We can at least pray. I am climbing of my soapbox. 

20 minutes to bedtime. The days are entirely too fast.

August Rewind

I had to rewind a bit to August and a weekend with cousin Finn staying at Grandma Jeans house for the weekened.  Eli is such a good sport with his cousin. What other 12 year old will put on a blindfold and participate in his cousin's 5 year old birthday party game. Especially a 12 year old that is only a couple of inches away from being as tall as his 5 ft 9 mother. 

That About Says It...

Artwork is courtesy of Sidney....

  "Those of us who are Chinese adoptive parents cannot simply come home with our own incredible blessing and then forget all the children who still wait. China gave us the absolute honor to parent a child from that country, and I hope we will turn the love we feel for our own children into action: to help even more incredible kids find homes." Love Without Boundaries

Saturday Night

Saturday night, a movie on cable I’ve seen bits of a million times, and finally am sitting down to watch the whole thing. I’m thinking about Sidney before she went to bed and watching her carrying her  “caboodle,” everywhere. Think fishing tackle box that’s pink and purple with princesses on the lid. 

All ready for school. See you later mom!

All of her treasured items. She can be found taking it upstairs at bedtime and hauling it back down in the morning. Sometimes she sleeps with it next to her. The contents are always changing but at any given time typically include hair accessories, plastic necklaces, spare change inside a tin left over from mints, and plastic necklaces. A girl never knows what she’s going to need. Sometimes I wish I could lock my kids in childhood just a little longer.

Parade route ending on opposite side of town from the instrument case
means a free concert in your car.

In other news, I have to report that 1^st Grade and 7^th grade have started smoothly. This year more than others is a natural progression. 1^st Grade means Sidney is on her second year of day long school, and Eli is in the same place. We were convinced public school was right for him until we starting putting more thought into the academic side. It’s frightening when you start mapping it out in 7^th grade, planning how they will impact him by 12^th grade. 

Noodle time.....

It’s also hard enough to have size 12 shoes when you’re 12 years old, that. Eli just got through telling me he’s fallen over backward in a chair in school three times already in the month they’ve been back in school. Crazy!

Jumping

A quick break from work waiting for my turn in the shower. Sunday morning, and Sidney is in front of me flying a Lego Hello Kitty plane. A typical day in the life from our home. Tom is on call, so I’m laboring on Labor Day weekend,   getting caught up on work and doing laundry. There’s a quietness to weekends like this that I love.

Eli came back from a three day camp with his 7th grade class. My our amusement he recounted his experience zip lining. After much climbing and much shaking, he stood on the top, sat on the small platform and pulled himself off.

My hands are sweating as I type. He’s more adventurous than his mother, but he somehow put his fear of heights to the side. I’m proud of him for trying.  He has more of the adventurous side like his dad, but I think Sidney will be our daredevil. She seems completely unphased and is never afraid. I’m proud of Eli for facing his fear. This is such an awkward, tough age. Nothing is straightforward in seventh grade when your feet are a size 12, and your mother asks if you’ve grown again overnight. I swear I see him getting bigger from night to morning.

I hear the water going off. 
My turn. 

No Limits

I should be working, but there are moments that grab me about my children. Whether its my son Eli explaining algebra homework, and me internally sending up a prayer of thanks that he doesn’t struggle with academics in the same way I did. Or seeing Sidney like this picture. I keep saying if I had only known how okay looks at the beginning. But I guess this is the good stuff that is the reward of parenting a child with any type of special need. It’s incredible to have a child that for every physical reason has very complex orthopedic needs but  none are an obstacle in her everyday life. They have nothing to do with having three fingers, four toes, and a missing fibula bone, and everything to do with what a person can overcome when they are without limits. 

Skools In

Delivering supplies to school on Sunday.

I’ve collapsed in my chair. Eli and I are enjoying the silence that falls over the house after six year old chatter is quiet for the evening.  Since school started, we have bedtime routines back in place. Sidney is bouncing off the walls about being back while Eli continues to mutter, in defiance, saying something about the end of his freedom.  I have to admit I wasn’t really ready for having to be on a schedule again. I work from our house, so our summer was very relaxed. Mom up at the crack of dawn for a few hours of uninterrupted work, breakfast, short play, tutoring for reading in the morning, then lunch, and off to the public pool. Despite their age difference it’s something, a six and twelve year old enjoy equally. 

Who's to stop a queen from blowing bubbles outside? 

And if you’re picturing us driving up to a beautiful pool let me interrupt that thought. We live in Iowa. It’s the same pool I traveled to on swim team when I was a kid. I’m 39, (and hanging on tight until next month). The last time I was on swimteam I was 12.  It’s old, but we don’t care. It’s fun and is one environment that doesn't allow the kids to be parked inside the air conditioning in a sendetary zombie like state. It wares them down. Of course, there were always those moments when we saw an interesting patron, and Eli turned to me and quietly said, “It’s called public for a reason Mom.” 

So in between all of this, on July 13^th, we celebrated five years home  with Tom’s parents by lazing around outside on a nice Sunday afternoon. The girl rolling around outside on Grandpa’s shop stool was barely recognizable in comparison to the person in front of me in Changsha. The isolation and neglect of the world  has been replaced by  spunk and a child who loves life. I have tried writing this post a million times mulling over that day and always come back to the theme of never forgetting what goes on even though it's not in our backyard. Our society lacks awareness, and if I could change anything it would be this. 

Tomorrow is coming sooner than I think. I promise to be a better blogger in the future, and especially for my most willing reader - my mother. 

Hello!

Please note two things, the fact that Eli was sent immediately to wash his feet an that I purchased a pair of size 12 shoes for him this week. Then note the queen in her fiefdom. 

I have a post ready I swear!!! I am the worst blogger ever. Work is making it challenging to post, so for now I am going to throw in a photo of my school supply shopper. Sidney was overjoyed that I let her come along and actually get the items out of the bins. I’m telling you it doesn’t take much to make a kid happy! So continue watching for me in blips and blurps and I promise to be back on more often! I have a longer post I’m working on about our five year anniversary of our forever family day. Stay tuned!!!