Musings of An Adoptive Mom

I'm Sensing Something Sensory

2012-02-07T16:09:00.003-06:00

I am looking at freshly painted walls. Both kids were shipped to Grandma Jean Jean and Grandpa Bob Bob's house for 2 nights while mom and dad enjoyed silence! I'm a strong believer in breaks for couple time minus kids. There are so many times our conversations are interrupted, despite our attempts to teach the kids differently. It was nice to finish a sentence for more than 24 hours.

Super bowl vultures hovering over the snack stadium.

Since I last wrote, I have read a lot and talked with other parents from the China program. Sidney has disruptive tendencies and at times she misunderstands socially acceptable physical boundaries. This is made confusing by her ability to stay on task during activities. She can sit and color or work on projects without issue, but during down time she struggles. This was key in figuring out, it's probably sensory dysfunction. With this in mind, we are taking steps to ease the tension this creates in school and our household.

First, I finished the book the Connected Child. I typically laugh about people jumping on board with parenting books, but like so many other times as an adoptive parent, I stepped outside my comfort zone. It helped to better understand how to discipline without so much disruption. There was awesome information on diet and how it impacts her already altered brain chemistry. Altered brain chemistry meaning, it was altered by neglect during crucial stages in infant development.

Why not one more cheese puff?

After finishing the book, I started a behavior and food journal. This will help to better better interpret behavior patters leading up to tough days. I also sat down one on one with Eli. I reviewed what he already knows. Sidney probably didn't get held and played with enough during her months in the orphanage. This is causing her to do some unpredictable things. I also let him know he isn't going to get into trouble for reacting, if she is hitting or pinching. I reassured him, we are trying to take steps to help her become less impulsive.

Only my good friend Jill could create a 50 yard line of carrots and dip.

We are making efforts to decrease chaos during the school week. I remember at almost 4, Eli had difficulty with more than 1 activity outside the house per day. I started thinking about how this impacts a child like Sidney. Tom and I have begun coordinating his side work on nights opposite Eli's activities. This decision includes pulling her back out of Wednesday tumbling while Eli takes taekowndo. This allows Sidney one on one time with Tom while I watch Eli and keep her from the chaos.

Mom, this game is making me tired.

So, this is where we are so far, and I will continue to post updates, on how things are going as they come up. I am more than happy to openly share, because there is a lack of information available on sensory stuff.

Like so many other things, we see incredible strides in other areas. It only makes sense, where one area falls behind another excels. I will keep you in the loop in the coming days. Thanks for listening!

And so it continues....

2012-01-30T20:49:00.000-06:00

If you didn’t read my post, yesterday scroll back and get anidea of what’s going on. I’ve been seeking answers about Sidney. And in thelast 24 hours, I have witnessed how quickly information and answers areaccessed through friends, forums, and FaceBook. I’ve been given a ton of information.There’s a connectedness in the China program, and between adoptive parents, ingeneral. It was the validation and understanding I need. And for the most part,it was nice to not hear my favorite response to anything concerning attachmentor sensory issues. “Isn’t that just a 3 year old thing?” Insert the sound biteof me screaming.

My scientist demonstrating.

I received a ton of information from other China parents in thesame situation. My motivation seeking information was obviously to make thingseasier for Sidney but also, because this particular issue is typically misdiagnosedas autism. However, only about 20% of kids with sensory issues actually fall onthe autism spectrum. I’m relieved, weare starting to figure all of this out before she’s any older. Yes, she could grow out of some of it, butthere are still a lot of 6-8 yr olds with the same issues. So, if we figure outthe best way to work with it, all the better.

On the way to school today, we had our regular talk. “Try tostay on your square. Don’t interrupt Mrs H. while she’s talking to the class.Try not to pick and poke your friends. And you know, it’s not appropriate totackle other kids.” Only today, our conversation changed. Instead I said, “sweetie,is it hard not to touch the other kids sometimes?” Sidney paused andsaid, “mommy, I can’t help it.” OK, we are headed in the right direction.

Mom = You WILL let me take a picture together!

Wow! That was heavy stuff. So, I’ll continue posting some ofthe ideas I have received in the coming days.

My Amazing and Complex Girl

2012-01-28T08:21:00.002-06:00

I’ve started writing this post many different times over the last couple of months, but I couldn’t decide how to explain. I couldn’t figure out how to write about our experience, because joy and happiness trump the complexities in Sidney’s behavior. I didn’t want it to overshadow all we have overcome. Yet, my objective has always been to share openly. Not everything is cute photos and fun. Sorry to be Debbie downer, but I want my blog to be real. So, our flowers are not staying in the attic. Here we go.

Over summer, we enrolled Sidney in summer preschool. She is ahead of her 3 years. She is amazingly smart, and she needed the challenge. So, off she went. Her teachers reported back, she was quiet, followed directions, and did a good job. Without hesitation, we enrolled her in fall preschool 3 days per week. In the 6 months since, she has grown to love the program.

After a couple of weeks, we started receiving reports from the teacher. She has difficulty keeping her hands to herself, and her behavior typically regresses during down time, like standing in line or carpet time. She isn’t mean, she has the need to pick and poke and touch the other kids. We’ve tried putting her in the back of the line, moving her carpet square, and it hasn’t relented. Before I get ahead of myself, I know we are talking about 3 year old preschool and much of it is learning appropriate behavior in an educational environment. I also want to interject, if she’s completing work, she stays on task, and her work is beautiful. Tom and I are shocked at the level of work she completes. Her coloring is almost perfect. However, the contrasts in behavior are sounding alarms.

After talking with other adoptive parents and doing a ton of reading, Tom and I are comfortable in acknowledging Sidney has post-traumatic stress. This is no surprise. It’s obvious most kids with any time in an orphanage are impacted to some degree. Sensory integration dysfunction is part of post-traumatic stress. Neglect is powerful, and the impact of neglect on a developing brain is profound. In basic terms, she wasn’t touched or held enough as a baby, so her brain is attempting to make up for the lack of stimulation. This kind of behavior typically plays out in the first years of preschool. And if it’s ignored, it gets worse.

So, what do we do? I am searching out sensory activities to see if it eases her symptoms. We are starting in a practical manner. I’m not calling professionals. Other adoptive parents will understand, adoptive parents have a hard time staying on the same page as medical professionals. Of course, this doesn’t mean always. I’ve seen knowledgeable medical professionals floundering for answers. I’m comfortable in trying to work with her first. Of course, I’m not entirely stubborn. If we need guidance, we will seek it out.

It breaks my heart to think all of this is the result of something so completely preventable. But, I continue to maintain an attitude of privilege – the privilege of helping her heal. I’m also trying not to let my mind go 100 mph, thinking about the spring. In April, we have another consult with the hand surgeon. If it’s absolutely necessary, we will make revisions to the scar tissue on her hand, but if there’s any chance we can wait another year, we will do so. A lot of healing, emotionally, is taking place. I feel like all this fight, inside Sidney, is helping her turn a corner. I don’t want to go in the opposite direction. If we must, then we will deal with the situation through lots of prayer.

So, this is what’s up, and I will continue to update the blog as we seek answers.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2012-01-24T13:46:00.000-06:00

I uttered the words Chinese New Year, and my good friend Jill was a buzz of creative energy. We showed up with red envelopes and picked up Chinese. She was responsible for the fun!

My Brave Girl

2012-01-21T07:43:00.000-06:00

It’s -6F. Yesterdays, daytime temperature was 5F. Almost toasty warm enough, I could step outside with the kids after 20 minutes of bundling for 10 minutes of snow fun. My only oasis is my almost daily indoor pool lap swim. It’s 90 degree heat seems like an island paradise until I exit and the automatic doors burst open with icy cold air.

Yesterday, there a snow storm, causing a school cancellation. Cabin bound kids typically create an environment of stored energy, but they both enjoyed a day minus running. And something strange happened. Sidney doesn’t discuss China, period. She shuts down. “No, no, China.” If there’s a meter for post-traumatic stress, she definitely registers

Yesterday, she thumbed through her DVD’s. “I want China, Mommy.” Our adoption video typically plays out in one of the two following scenarios or both. Sidney asks to watch the video twice. Into the second time, she jumps up and snaps it off. “No more China.” Many times, watching the video is met with night terrors. Luckily, last night this was not the case. Instead, she watched, waiting for me to give the details as the story played out. She played the video four times with no nightmares last night. And yes, I was about to fall asleep by the fourth time, but I will let her watch it as many times as she wants.

This progress makes sense in the scheme of our week. A conversation lead up to Sidney asking to see photos of herself in China. We received photos from Half the Sky a few months after travel. They are precious. Sidney was delighted to see herself small as a baby. She looked at the Half the Sky staff quizzically as I explained they were her friends. Any association with Chinese people has been met with a negative reaction. We have to preface anything about Chinese people with, “they are good China.” I was pleased to see her smiling as we looked through the pictures. She had a night terror, but she was easily comforted back to sleep.

So, I know it’s time to move forward with making her lifebook. I started doing digital scrapbooking last winter, and I want to create an A,B,C book. So, ask me if it’s done next year.

OK, off to start my Saturday. It’s supposed to reach a balmy 10 today. We are hoping it’s warm enough for sledding. I’ll let you know if there are any broken bones.

BBBBRRRRR

2012-01-17T19:20:00.001-06:00

Tonight we were counting from a Dora book Grandma JeanJean gave Sidney for Christmas. Sidney started peeling back her fingers….1….2…..3…..”I can’t go any farther, because I just have little hands.” There was no trepidation, no emotion, just a matter of fact statement of the obvious.

Tom wonders if she understands her hands won’t grow into a five fingered hand. Like many other things growing up, we will let her realize this in her own time. For now, she’s only aware of the casts she had. Her typical response (and the only time she’s allowed to use the word hate) is “I hate cast!!!!” And I look across the room at Eli cringing. Yes, he’s sympathetic about his sisters need for reconstructive surgeries, however he is thinking of the pain involved in receiving an accidental strike from the fiberglass cast. I have to admit, I’ve been on the receiving end, and I almost saw stars.

In April, we will determine if there is a next step in treating her hands. Scar tissue is causing her finger to remain in a bent position. This is the hand which originally had syndactyly between two of her three fingers. As much as I want to leave her hands completely alone, given how well she functions, I know we can’t leave her finger in a permanently bent position.

OK, off to scrounge up some dinner. I'm freezing. Sidney and I spent the day in small increments going outside. There's no keeping your kids indoors when snow awaits. And that means mom is outside too, so she is beat.

Instincts

2012-01-14T06:25:00.002-06:00

Eli finished a book with over 700 pages last night (Harry Potter). I want to take the book into the public school and slide it across the desk of the school principal. This isn’t where we started the year before kindergarten. I received a phone call at 9:30pm one night front the principal. Eli might be better off in a prek class. He stood and asked a lot of questions during kindergarten round up. He wasn’t able to recite his address. There was no understanding of how being a in a strange environment might impact his ability to complete a standardized assessment. Mama bear (as my neighbor girl as come to refer to me), kicked in. I knew my child better, and it’s one of a million times I am so happy I went with my gut instincts.

Oh, all right!!!

2012-01-12T22:31:00.000-06:00

I’ve talked a lot about Sidney and her sad pad sitting, boundary pushing, crazy behavior. That’s why today was utterly shocking. Things might change overnight, but for now, I’m going to bask for a little while in the glory of a girl that’s learning to listen! So many times, my stubborn spicy girl, listened, hearing me tell her firmly and in a calm tone not to do something, yet she continued. It typically required getting down to her level and repeadily upping the anti until she finally did what was asked.

Imagine my surprise today to hear her while being told not to do something, saying “oh awl white” (oh, all right!). Kind of like, I know I am going to have to do what you say anyway, so let’s just get it overwith. Something is sinking in. My mom, my common sense, practical mom, said “don’t you think she will outgrow this?” I think we are seeing a bit of a breakthrough. If it changes tomorrow, we are still on the right path. Awesome!

Disability?

2012-01-11T22:11:00.002-06:00

I signed Sidney up for 4 yr old preschool today. Instead of feeling sad about how quickly the last two years passed, I was thrilled. Education is a reminder God’s will was certainly different for our daughter than the first 16 months of her life.

Eli's standing in front of the crowd during his Boy Scout cake auction. His version of the moon raised $60 for his pack.

While I sat tediously filling out the many forms required, I noticed the dreaded disability question. I have to remind myself Sidney is considered special needs, so I thought about leaving it blank. In fairness to the school, I know it’s medically necessary. Fast forward to the portion asking if her disability limited her in doing anything, my answer was a resounding no. I think the pictures below are proof positive; we are not concerned about her ability to function in an educational environment.

Waiting to tumble. Hey mom, why did you forget to fix my pant leg?

It’s funny, this word (disability) has come up twice this week. As I sat talking about Sidney with another parent, we discussed how far Sidney has come in the last couple years, and her VERY big personality. There’s a lot packed into 36 inches. With this very big personality, it’s easy to forget she has anomalies. But, I know not everyone lives in our world. They don’t have the luxury of simply forgetting it’s part of her makeup, but it has no bearing on our everyday life. Maybe that’s why I don’t like hearing the word roll off peoples tongue so easily. And bless her heart, she’s really nice. There was no ill intent, but I will be honest in saying, I can’t stand the word.

Sorry, I was back on my soapbox. Time to tune back into D*ance M*ms. I would like to see the teacher do a couple of routines. People pay for that? Sorry, I’ve only tuned in a couple of times before tonight. Now it’s totally sucking me in.

Ouch!

2012-01-05T18:00:00.000-06:00

I am going to stand on my soapbox for a couple of seconds. If you’re an adult, make sure your current on your immunizations. My kids both came into contact with some friends carrying pertussis. You know, the double over and cough so hard you throw up illness. Luckily, in my 37 years, I haven’t had to experience anything like my parents describe. My mom shared, as a kid she spent the majority of a summer on the farm doubled over coughing so hard she threw up. So, with that thought, I gladly went to the doctor to update my immunization. I always think of Sidney and Eli but not Tom and I. Sidney wanted to know if I might receive a sticker for taking my shot like a good girl. So, I got the shot, but Sidney got the stickers. But not before, she dug a sticker out for her brother. She is one of the most selfless kids I know. From day one, she’s tried to share everything in her possession, from bites of food to stickers, to anything else. She never sits down with a treat without first offering it to everyone else in the room. It’s one thing I hope she never loses from her life in China.

2012-01-04T21:05:00.000-06:00

Much as I hoped, down time was awesome over the holidays. It meant extra time for mom to read a couple of books. I’ve heard such positive information on “The Connected Child,” so I am in the middle of reading it. I am not typically one to jump on the bandwagon with suggested book titles, but it’s helping me to sort out Sidney’s behavior, as well as broaden my understanding of neglect and its profound impact on a developing mind. It’s a relief to better understand we are headed in the right direction as we navigate new situations in daily life.

One sniplet left from Christmas...when your husband insists you pose for a photo wearing ALL your Christmas gifts!

Today, in preschool, I noticed Sidney’s name was moved to a different square on the carpet as I discussed with the teacher before break. She’s sitting in the back corner next to the teacher’s assistant. This means, she doesn’t have anyone within reach. Standing in line, or sitting on the carpet square listening to the teacher, or really any down time between activities, is hardest. She tends to pick at the kids around her. It’s never intentionally hurtful, but she lacks the ability to completely understand body basics. I don’t think our situation differs much from other families raising children with a similar history.

Tonight, as Sidney sat in her footie pj’s with the feet cut off so she can feel the floor, and prevent slips and falls with her limb difference; I asked her “do you know what mommies going to do with this?” I showed her my hand. “I’m going to take a little bit of tough from here, a little bit of cantankerousness from here, and a little bit of sassy” I said as I tickled her behind the knees and in her armpits, listening as she squealed in laughter, “and you’re going to be great! It’s going to be hard work, but we’re going to get there. Your great now, and I think when mommy and daddy are done taking away these little pieces, you’re going to be amazing!”

Half the Sky

2011-12-29T21:10:00.000-06:00

So, I'm going to give my 2 cents on Half the Sky. HTS worked in Sidney's orphanage. I can credit them with her ability to interact with Tom and I almost immediately, Sidney's ability to make eye contact, her smile by the 2nd day, her love of flowers, and things to numerous to count. They got her out of her crib and gave her interaction beyond what was possible for overworked nannies tending to too many babies. For that alone, I will continue to advocate for this particular organization. Giving is down this year, which means, they might have to stop working in at least one orphanage. I can't stand thinking about them pulling out of an orphanage. Click on their link to the right and read about their great work. I pray they find the resources necessary to continue doing great work.

Christmas Eve Travels

2011-12-28T14:18:00.000-06:00

Friday night and Saturday were spent with Uncle Jason, Aunt Sarah, and Cousin Finn for my side of the family. It’s so much fun when your cousin agrees to play dress up with your new costumes. With the pirate hat he might pass for court jester instead of Snow White?

It's hard to believe Eli was in the same room. He was silent, devouring his new books.

And before we left, we had a brief post Festivus celebration.

Then, we were on to Grandma's house, closer to home. After two Christmases, the sugar starting having its way with Sidney.

Emerging From the Trenches

2011-12-22T13:23:00.000-06:00

You did a great job Eli!

A stomach bug hit our house. I labeled it “swift and severe.” Tom is the last man standing. Luckily, before the bug hit, both kids participated in our church Christmas program. Notice Eli’s enthusiasm. I told him he was lucky to take a narrator’s role. He looked at me with a puzzled expression until he saw the boys in his Sunday School class dressed as angels. This particular performance was upstaged by the 3^rd/4^th grade Christmas pageant. As Eli stood in the choir, complete with a halo of tinsel, a bat emerged in the very tall ceilings of the church. As the performance went on, it continued diving closer and closer.

This is the expression I get when the performance doesn't start until 7pm.

During all this illness, I’ve had lots of laptop time. I’m doing a lot of research on Sidney’s preschool picking and poking and touching and tackling. Yes, it’s partially her age, but a few red flags have been raised. It’s nothing difficult to work with, but she’s definitely sensory seeking. Given her past, it’s not surprising. Yes, it’s kid stuff, its common in kids who spent more than a year in an orphanage environment, and kids with the label….I’m willing myself to type this label….failure to thrive. As much as Sidney is the polar opposite of failure to thrive, her height and weight are the definition of failure to thrive. I look at her medical records long enough to acknowledge it’s there.

Thanks Grandma JeanJean for my cute outfit! The bike helmet was my own touch.

So, what can Tom and I do? Continue being consistent and continue working with her teacher. So, yes. Regular parenting stuff. With this consistency, comes frustration. I’m an honest person, and it’s not always easy when your child is picking and poking at classmates and her brother. I am hoping some down time over Christmas break without all the running eases things a bit.

So, I am off to my day of catching up. Gift wrapping, making a couple things, and looking at the dusting of snow that fell overnight. The kids are done with school, and the season is upon us.

Squeezing In A Blog

2011-12-14T12:55:00.001-06:00

Both kids participated in the school Christmas program on Tuesday night. Sidney made her debut as a dove in the 3 year old live manger scene. I was overjoyed to watch another of the moments I refer to as the “good stuff.” It’s the stuff that gives perspective to sitting in the waiting room during surgery or watching her struggle to understand her permanence in our family. Her performance was highlighted by getting clocked by the heavy stage curtain as it swept past her. Eli followed with the big kid program. It was enjoyable, because he didn’t baulk about it in the days leading up to the performance. Of course, who could blame him after he was cast as a bell in our church Christmas program last year? An event which is sure to scar him for life. And as a side note, I would love to include some photos of Eli, but he is with his classmates, in the photos, so I can't post them.

In other family Christmas events, we celebrated with Tom’s parents and sister last weekend. We are a very blessed family. I might sound like a schmuck, but I truly enjoy giving more than receiving. Whenever I look around at the overabundance on Christmas, I can’t help but think about those who are truly without. Perhaps, this is because I read a very moving blog entry a couple of days ago. A missions group was in Africa. The person chronicling the journey discussed a trip to the local dump. People scavenged through refuse looking for bits of food. One of them had leprosy and was missing fingers. We are all born the same with the same heart, and we end up with such vastly different circumstances. The photos were like nothing I have ever seen. It puts so many of the issues we consider problems in our lives in to perspective. It makes completing my Christmas shopping a privilege and a joy.

Stepping off my soapbox, Tom’s schedule has slowed down considerably in the past couple of days. This allowed me to go caroling with Eli’s boy scout troop last night. It was rainy. In this part of the Midwest, we aren’t receiving any snow, and it’s warm and foggy. I’ll admit, I didn’t feel like going out again, wanting to stay where it was dry. Then, good Lutheran guilt kicked in. I started thinking about how much joy a couple of Christmas songs could give the residents. So, we went. Much to Eli’s chagrin, the parents also followed along and chimed in. Mr. Independent preferred mom didn’t come along.

OK, I’m off to produce the family photo card. Yes, I’m a traditional girl. Cards and stamps please. There’s no other way.

Holiday Ramblings

2011-12-09T17:24:00.065-06:00

I'm sneaking in a few minutes to update the blog. We are in a frenzy of holiday activities. Today, I finished up some holiday shopping and after the kids are in bed, this elf will be busy wrapping gifts for tomorrows Christmas with Tom's parents. But before I do, here's what we have been doing.

Tom so loves getting a real Christmas tree. I say that with every once of sarcasm I can muster. He loathes cutting down a real tree. Typically, we face subzero temperatures, however this year, it was warm and muddy. It automatically made the process shorter, because we couldn't access other parts of the tree farm on muddy roads. So, here is my loving husband in a torrid embrace with the Christmas tree. What a goof ball.

While we visited, Sidney made a visit to the man in the red suit. She was unsure, but corageous. This is huge. Last year, she wasn't have anything to do with it, and we weren't about to coerce her into getting into a strangers lap.

Then we came home, and Sidney "assisted" with putting up the Christmas tree stand.

Once the stand was steady, we began decorating. But, not before the diva dove in front of the camera again.

Today, Eli and I busied ourselves making cake balls. Another pin completed off of p*nterest. This is the only photo I could capture. It's not that I don't try to put him into the blog. He evades the camera!

Ok, I Get It

2011-12-08T13:14:00.001-06:00

Sidney colored this picture. She turns 4 in March. Imagine our worry beforetravel, not knowing how well her hands functioned. Before and after surgery,there was the same kind of anxiety. Did things work better before we interferedwith a surgical procedure? I dropped Sidney in the extended school care for acouple of hours while I tried to reign in the extra stuff I need to get done. Iwalked back in to see Sidney holding this picture. There are times Tom and Italk about thinking “ok God, I get it, I get it.” Today was another one ofthose moments.

A moment to blog....

2011-12-01T18:46:00.002-06:00

Mom is vertical again and back to her normal chaotic pace. My strep throat is gone, but allow me a moment to whine. I remember it being miserable as a child. It is equally if not more miserable as an adult. I know I’m sick when Tom actually offers to care for me. Before you think I’m married to an insensitive man, I will say again, Tom is a wonderful husband, but he has no tolerance for any sort of whining during illness. Maybe it was seeing me huddled under two blankets, teeth chattering, and knowing I was still freezing that really sent him over the edge. It wasn’t pretty.

Sneaking in a photo of Eli. He fights me every time.

After pulling myself out of bed, and facing my growing to do list, Sidney and I picked up her new shoes. Again, her limb difference is caused by fibular hemimelia. She obviously wears her shoes to school, and out and about, but it’s almost impossible to get her to wear her shoes at home. We have talked at great length with our orthopedist about the impact on her spine. He said she compensates well with her other foot. In addition, she doesn’t stay standing long. Like a normal kid, she’s up and down all the time.

Speaking of shoes, I am in the midst of trying to get 90+ pair of flip flops and kid’s shoes to Des Moines. All the flip flops and shoes will go to an orphanage in Haiti. I started thinking about how many people wear flip flops in third world country’s. Cheap and a barrier between you and the ground. They can’t prevent disease, but it’s better than nothing. We function on such a different level of necessity in the United States. Which pair provides the most support, which pair is most stylish, which pair looks better. I am certain none of these questions will be on the mind of the people on the receiving end.

I can’t stop thinking about the stories of the people who will wear the shoes. How did the earthquake impact their lives? Are all their family members still living? What happened to their home? Are they living in a tent? There’s so much devastation and lack of infrastructure to take care of the remaining chaos. I will never forget seeing a photo of Haiti about a year ago. There, amongst toppled buildings on either side of the street, people walked about like everything around them was normal. Obviously, nothing had changed since the day of the disaster, but they had to forage ahead despite the devastation all around them. And by now are the same buildings repaired? It saddens and angers me, but I know God has some lesson in all of this.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-27T19:59:00.000-06:00

I had a delightful post started on the many reasons I have to be thankful, but that was before mom was quarantined to her bedroom with strep throat. I am feeling good enough to be bored but bad enough that I can’t get up and do a bunch of stuff. I was completely dumbfounded when the nurse came into the exam room with a positive test. Really? I haven’t had strep throat in at least 29 years. Adults get strep? I am grateful I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving Day with my in laws before getting sick. However, I had to miss my moms Thanksgiving yesterday, and that was a major downer. Tom took the kids over, and they enjoyed the day while I went to the doctor and slept.

NutterB*tters, kisses, and chocolate chips, adhered with chocolate frosting. I thought my acorns were an adorable addition to Thanksgiving.


My inlaws house, concentrating on go fish.

I didn't go to the doctor until Saturday, so on Friday, I was attempting a more psychological approach to my healing, thinking "I am NOT getting sick."

Tom planned on going car shopping. Something we both dread. I think I might rather have a crown put on at the dentist. No matter what, you feel like your getting ripped off. And it doesn't help that I am a former auto loan collector. I know about dealerships, and what I know isn't the positive side.

We test drove a few cars. Of course the dealer didn't know the price tag on the car we wanted was $2k less online. They had to honor it, but I still wasn't happy. After all, we are tightwads. And the dealer grew weary but put up a good fight. I wasn't able to get him below the clean trade in value. I said "you will learn, I am impossible" as he chimed in with a canned response saying "no, no, that's great! Your on your toes." I'm sure he was thinking something which included cursing.

And as for Eli? He's glad he can stop telling the Nissan it's going to the scrap yard. I typically pat the dash as the transmission lurches, saying "good girl" while Eli simultaneously tells the car "your going to the scrap yard!" And as for Sidney? She isn't happy with the color. She wanted it to be pink and purple two tone. She was careful to tell me "both colors mommy."

Eli chilling out at Grandpa Steve & Grandma Sheryl's before the big Thanksgiving feast.

Tom and I could have bought a car a long time ago, but frankly, we didn't see the practical value. My car ran, and it wasn't until this fall it actually had huge issues. I don't like to waste resources. That, and neither of us could see anything we really liked. It's kind of an issue of principal. It's not hurting anything, we aren't wasting money, and we do not try to keep up with the Jones. I refuse to spend my life in pursuit of material possessions. Sorry, but a person will never find happiness. That being said, I was applauding as I drove it. Well, not while driving, but you get my point.

Wish I had something else more exciting to report, but this laptop and reruns on Netflix are really all I have seen the past couple of days. OK, I’m off to shop any remaining deals online for Christmas. I need to feel productive, even if it’s from the comforts of my bed with a sore throat.

Fill Their Stockings and Half the Sky

2011-11-22T17:08:00.001-06:00

Take a look at the fund raiser of another favorite blog. She has beautiful photograhs and best of all her little one is also a Chenzhou girl. Makes my heart sing to see the work she is doing to benefit Half the Sky. Sidney was part of the Half the Sky program in China, and it made all the difference in her ability to bond . Half the Sky trains and staffs orphanages with additional people, giving kids additional one on one time. A $5 enters a chance to win.

The Good Stuff

2011-11-21T15:57:00.002-06:00

Look what I made in preschool today! Thank goodness my "Aunt Jill Ridenour" is my teacher and comes up with all this adorable stuff I bring home! Behind the bag is a HUGE smile. I love it!

Quotable Quotes

2011-11-19T18:37:00.000-06:00

So, after I mulled over Sidney’s antics in preschool, I posted the following on FaceBook: “how does a mom teach independence without being a pint sized punk? A friend of mine from our travel group shared her experience with a strong willed child. She said a wise older mom in our church once told me, “God has given her the personality she will need to do what He wants her to with her life. You never know, He may send her someplace she will have to look danger in the face to say his name.” She continued by saying “hang in there and continue to point that adorable firecracker in the right direction. Someday she will be a gorgeous display of His glory!”

Thank you Lisa. It’s so awesome to be supported by other adoptive moms that truly “get it.”

Catching Up

2011-11-18T13:31:00.000-06:00

It seems like each time I turn around, I hear a pint sized hack coming from Sidney. She’s got the crud. Our PA checked everything out on Tuesday and said it’s a virus. Great, that means no antibiotics, but on the downside, she has to wait until it passes. As my mom said almost each and every time I was sick as a kid, 7-10 days for a cold.

Finding good cold medicine is a feat. Allow me to step on my soapbox for a brief moment. Isn’t it the FDA that banned all the really good stuff? I believe so. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like to give medication needlessly, but it sucks to see your child miserable while simultaneously hearing the nurse say, “it’s actually good she’s coughing. It will get all that stuff up.” I can’t believe I didn’t think of my tried and true method of cold relief, prior to calling the nurse. Vics rubbed into the feet. After Tom’s mom shoved it inside his nose, as a kid, I can’t imagine a dab on the feet will hurt. However, it does explain many things about Tom.

Sidney's constant sweet tooth. No Sidney, you may not eat the items needed for the bizarre.

Speaking of Tom, where is Tom? Tom is working, nonstop. He finally paused last night after his regular job and came home in the evening. Anymore, than 2 nights of extra work is tough for the kids. Everyone is out of sync. He is typically not gone this much, but we know this is the time of year we have to make the proverbial hay. It’s what I have come to refer to as my season of singleness. In a couple of weeks, the phone will quiet down again, and we will have our evenings as a family.

While Tom works a gazillion hours, I’m hurrying around getting ready for Eli’s fall school bizarre and baking for Sunday morning coffee hour in church. Our proceeds are going to a person serving on one of the Mercy Ships from our congregation. This particular organization does wonderful work, providing a mobile hospital to serve people with untreated medical conditions. In our culture we live blissfully unaware of what happens if, cysts and tumors are not removed immediately, or cleft palate surgery is not available until 40 years of age. And I admit, I knew the percentage of people without access to medical care in Africa is great, however I was still surprised by the following statistic: 50% of people in Africa have no access to doctors or hospitals. Knowing she is serving as a surgical nurse, to help this underserved population, makes it easier to whip out several dozens cookies.

So the only other person in our family I haven’t reported on is Eli. His class went to the ballet yesterday to see the Nutcracker. When I asked if he enjoyed it and might like to go again (thinking this type of experience is beneficial for several reasons), he said “maybe.” This was only after reporting there were no men in tights. Much to his relief it was only women and children. Sorry, I am raising an all American boy.

Always proud of her creations from school.

OK, I’m off to resume my role as strict mom. Sidney was on the sad pad twice in school today. This is the second time since school started in August that we’ve had a rough day. When she gets in this frame of mind, she’s not listening to anyone. She was doing VERY well prior to this incident. It seems taking away cartoons is the best way to get our point across. This is still our punishment of choice with Eli. Believe me, it’s also punishment for mom, but she’s got to learn, she can’t bully herself into getting her way.

OK, I’m really done now.

A Request

2011-11-15T09:06:00.000-06:00

Sidney spent 14 ½ of her first 16 months in the Chenzhou Children’s Welfare Institute, in Chenzhou Hunan. I have been fortunate enough to get in contact with missions groups traveling to the orphanage, and later, I was able to look over the photos. I am so grateful for the internet! In group shots, I obviously look at the cute little ones posing, but my eyes always go to the back of the group. This is typically where I see a child of 11 or 12, standing in back. Typically, the slightest bit of a smile and the haunted eyes reveal a life so far removed from what a child should experience, even in a good orphanage like Chenzhou.

There’s a boy “Will” in the orphanage. He is paperwork ready, and there are many people advocating on his behalf. Someone offered pictures for me to post here, but I don’t know if I have permission, and I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. If you think of it, send up a prayer this boy finally comes home. He has a couple of health conditions. As a sn’s parent, I know how much love and quality medical care can change a child’s life. I would love to open my laptop and see Will in his family. His best friend June, also from Chenzhou, was recently adopted. The one piece of information I have heard is that Will is ready to find his forever family like his best friend June.

Veterans Day Tribute by Guest Blogger Eli

2011-11-11T00:00:00.002-06:00

Eli wrote this essay for Veterans Day. He will read it at a special service tomorrow. Mom is so proud of all he wrote, I decided to give him a guest spot on the blog.

The Definition of a Veteran:

A veteran is person who served in the Armed Forces. But, they are so much more than that. A veteran is someone who risked their life for our country because they loved the United States. They went to battle because they wanted to defend our country. They were so courageous. They are great people of courage and are models of character. They are American heroes. They made sacrifices for our country. They deserve great honor and respect for what they have done for us. They are leaders for American citizens.

Diva Visits the Dentist

2011-11-09T19:07:00.000-06:00

Sidney and mommy have survived dental work. After taking happy medicine Monday night before bed, and the following morning, we were off to fix two cavities. Our dentist was kind enough to prescribe a light sedation. We decided it’s in her best interest to maintain a level of comfort in medical situations. Up to this point, we haven’t experienced fear, and we don’t want to start. A loopy and relaxed Sidney sat in her car seat, on the way, saying “it looks funny” to nothing and no one in particular.

Guess what I found and decided to add to my dress up clothes? My brothers old outfit.

Obviously, a parent is discouraged from going back into the treatment area. Thankfully, Sidney recognized the hygienist from her cleaning. In this particular situation, we felt it best to be on the receiving end as the good guy. As an added benefit, all the treatment banks are open. I could hear everything going on from my seat.

I was absentmindedly looking at Kim K’s ended wedding photos when the dentist came out. Wow? He never does that. He let me know she was numb. No screaming? No hysteria? No craziness? I began to relax, knowing my girl was once again a complete trooper. Five seconds later I heard crying. It was the noisy drill. It’s an odd sensation. I kept thinking, if her mouth is open, they can get in, and get the work done quickly. Knowing Dr. John is very gentle, I gripped my magazine, and willed myself not to cry. I felt terrible. During hand reconstructions, she’s always asleep when the IV goes in.

Let’s say she wasn’t happy with mom afterward, nor did she think the two stickers and plastic ring were large enough tokens for getting two fillings. But, the great thing about kids is their resiliency. By dinnertime, she was recounting the story, and proudly showing off her fillings. As we talked, I asked her if the shot hurt. When she didn’t immediately respond, I decided to change my approach. “Did you get a shot from Dr. John?” Sidney’s face grew a bit puzzled. “I didn’t get shots Mommy.” Awesome! The dentist was able to numb her gums with “special water” and was so gentle, she didn’t know the needle went into her mouth. It’s easier to explain putting up with the noise of the drill than the pain of getting another shot. Our dentist let us know the other side looks like it will eventually need treatment.

And tonight, she back belting out tunes into microphone demanding an audience while standing in front of the TV. Off to get something done.

Post Halloween

2011-11-04T14:15:00.000-05:00

I wish I had more time to blog, but spare minutes are scarce in our house. Tom continues his crazy schedule while I chase two kids from preschool, elementary school, and activities all day long. Three days a week I am at the school four times. I feel like the interior of my car is my home. I am happy just to sit for a few minutes of uninterrupted quiet time while Sidney naps.

Monday was trick or treating. And for Grandma JeanJean, we will include a photo of the Jedi or Anakin Skywalker and our kitty. Sidney was adamant she wanted to use the costumes already in her closet. Who was her tightwad mother to question her motives? Morning preschool she was a butterfly. During downtown trick or treating, later that evening, she morphed into a cat.

Allow me a moment to brag about living in our small area, or as I like to call it, Anytown USA. In Tom’s old community, we actually trick-or-treat door to door. People turn on their porch lights waiting for kids. And we know everyone, so we know the stuff is ok. If we didn’t make a conscience choice to visit only a couple of streets, we could canvass the entire town. It, literally, has not changed since Tom was a kid.

More updates after Tuesday, and the big dentist appointment. I have been hovering over Sidney and all the sugar, asking her to brush more often during the day. Frankly, I am dreading the appointment. Yes, this is the same mother that feels very confident prior to surgeries, but this is also the mother that knows how it feels to get a needle to the mouth in the dental chair. I am elated our dentist listened to my advice and gave her a mild medication to keep her relaxed. Our objective is to keep her from getting fearful. After all, Tom had a horrible experience in kindergarten, and he still hates the dentist. I'm glad he can force himself into the chair. Maybe, he needs some of the same medication before his next visit? Then he might actually get Novocain when it’s offered by the dentist.

OK, off to see what my father-in-law is unloading into my garage and offer school pictures. That usually makes the daughter-in-law halo shine brightly.

Pumpkins, Pumpkins, and More Pumpkins

2011-10-29T20:31:00.013-05:00

We have awesome grandparents who host an annual pumpkin carving party. Today, our kids were surrounded by cousins having a great time.


Sidney was able to see her China cousin AnDee. AnDee is 8 and came home in 2005. My brother and sister in law were home a year with AnDee when we decided to start the process.


Mom, less pictures, more carving.


Mom getting in on the action with Eil and Ashtyn (our niece).

Grandpa resorting to power tools for the

finishing touches.

Tom tackling the beast.

It was a great day. Thanks Grandpa and Grandma!!!!!

Pumpkins and Pokes

2011-10-28T18:47:00.002-05:00

Friday – finally! This stay at home mom is excited for a husband not working over the weekend. It sounds too good to be true. Just as I say this, someone will call with a heating emergency. It’s been a long week.

We had Sidney’s three year old well child checkup. Yes, we are very behind getting it completed. By the time she turned three, we were maxed out on the doctor’s office. She’s 5% on height and weight. My tiny peanut will always be petite. Our doctor assured us again, as long as the curve is upward, she is fine. This was also on the American growth chart. We talked a lot about eating. He was able to give us a couple of ideas. For now, we have seen some positive changes.

Immunizations were also updated. Ouch! Mommy felt terrible. She screamed. I know, we’ve completed two hand reconstructions, but she is sleeping when the IV is put into her arm. I can’t stand the pause between the “what’s she doing” as the nurse rubs on the alcohol swab and the scream two seconds later. I call it a necessary evil. After the shots were done, she commented as the nurses walked out, “they did naughty.”

We are finishing football this weekend. Eli’s excited it’s about to end. I think it’s an experience he’s not repeating next year. Tom and I supported him, trying out a new activity, but his interest remains in Taekwondo, Legos, and the 4^th grade Foss kit. “We dissected owl pellets today. Listen, Mom. I’m going to explain how the owl vomits. It’s not like a human.” And if you are a queasy person, skip the next sentence. “It doesn’t splatter.”

As long as he’s happy, we’re happy. He’s had a rough week. I will spare the details, but let’s just say bullying is alive and well. Only now, the teachers are faster to swoop in. This is one of the only times he’s experienced it, so it was upsetting, to say the least.

The photo above is the only decent picture I captured during our visit to buy pumpkins. Notice how much less cooperative my children are this year versus last year. In last years photo, Sidney and Eli look like to angels on either side of mom. This time, Eli couldn’t manage to stand nicely while Sidney turned her back. They are tired of mom’s camera, but it’s not going away. Sidney had a great time until her wagon load of pumpkins rolled down the patch owner’s steep driveway into the street. Excuse the quality. I’m having issues with my camera, so all my photos suck. I think I might be investing in something new.

Off to finish Eli’s Halloween costume. He’s Anakin Skywalker. It’s basically a brown robe. I’ve never sewn an actual garment. Maybe quilts but never something to wear. It was a risky move. Let’s just say, I’m happy people will see it from a distance. It was good practice. As you can see after my brief day working, I have settled back into a good routine. Many things have pointed in the direction that I made the right decision. Not that I needed a sign, but sometimes it’s nice to see the universe align.

Absentee blogger is back

2011-10-22T07:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't made many entries in the last couple of weeks. We are crazy busy.

Loves playing in the leaves and asked mommy to fill it up.

I’m in the midst of trying to find footwear for Sidney. She has a limb difference of about 1 ½ inches. We purchase two pairs of shoes, because her feet are two different sizes. It takes her a couple of days to get used to the bulk of the lift. We tried Nordstrom’s for the first time. It allows people with feet of at least a 1 ½ size difference to buy two pair of shoes and return the unused sizes. This is awesome, because Sidney’s feet are a size 4 and size 8. I read the history and the store founders wife had polio. Though it’s a store policy, I always feel like there’s someone needing it worse.

Finally picking our late planted tomatoes.

So, the difference between her feet is obvious. As she grows, we also face the physical difference developing between legs. It doesn’t have a negative impact on Sidney’s overall wellbeing. Thankfully, she’s still young enough, she lives blissfully unaware this is taking place. She calls her smaller side her “little foot.” As a mother, it’s tough. I thought I moved past the emotion involved in watching anything adverse happen to my girl. But that’s not the case. And I don’t share this, because we feel sorry for her. If anything we ignore barriers based on society’s perceptions, thinking of possibility alone. I think it’s my lack of control over the situation that’s troubling.

If your catching up, she has hand anomalies, but her hands were caused by fibular hemimelia. This means she is missing her fibula bone. This creates a limb difference which becomes more pronounced as she grows. There is a 13% difference between her right and left legs, but 13% increases as she grows. It bodes well for her that she is small and petite. 13% isn’t as much for a person hovering around 5ft as an adult as it is for a tall person.

Writing this, it seems ridiculous to bring it up. Sidney is thriving. We’ve worked past so much in the last two months alone. She no longer follows me to the bathroom. If I go upstairs to do something quickly, she doesn’t follow me screaming. It’s wonderful. It’s a huge burden lifted. She’s starting to better understand permanency. Her recent night terrors have gone away. She’s sleeping in a toddler bed. She wakes up every morning and looks outside with the happiest expression and says “sun up!” She loves school and tells us, “I want to learn to read.”

Honestly, most days, we don’t remember there is a physical difference. It’s Sidney. Physical steps backward don’t matter, because for every physical step backward, there are a million more forward. everything, she’s a normal, ornery three year old. , I wonder what the people in the orphanage might think if they could see her now.

We are off to Eli’s football game. I am interested to see if this is a one season extra curricular. Then there’s Tom work like a mad man. It’s getting colder each morning. His 9-5 is busy, and our side business is crazy. He worked a 16 hour day yesterday. I joke that he needs to go out to the garage and take up a hobby like woodworking for the other 8 hours of the day. Who really needs sleep? And like a gift from above, he found out he isn’t on as tight a schedule as he thought, and he will be home today and tomorrow!

OK, off to find enough clothes to bundle up for the football game this morning.

Business

2011-10-16T18:30:00.001-05:00

No photos again! I'm sorry. I'm having issues with my camera and figuring out a new phone.

I’m an absentee blogger this week! We are busy. Three mornings of preschool a week for Sidney, doing homework, finishing Eli’s football season, Boy Scout popcorn sales, and time in between for Tom and me somewhere. Grandpa Steve and Grandma Sheryl (Tom’s dad and Mom) took Eli and Sidney last night, so we could escape for a night camping with friends. We are extremely lucky Sidney is close with both sets of grandparents, and she does amazingly away for a night. If we say, you have one sleep with grandpa and grandma; she believes us and understands we are coming back. I also say it’s because I stay home. They are ready to be away from mom for awhile.

One of our appointments this week was to the dentist. All 35 inches of Sidney’s frame fit over the back to the exam chair. “I feel a catch,” said our kind dentist. I knew what that meant. I groveled, “we brush religiously.” I discussed her rough nutritional start. She had no appetite coming home. We were guaranteed apple juice was a few extra calories. There are also a couple more cavities forming on the other side. I am only thankful we have a chance to reverse things before her permanent teeth come in.

She needs to be numbed up for the fillings. We are being careful not to lose her level of comfort in a medical setting. It’s important she feels safe. Our dentist agreed a sedative is probably best, given her past and future hand surgeries. We don’t know how many. It depends on how things shift as she grows bigger. I don’t like to give unnecessary medication, but our situation is unique. When she’s older we can rationalize a bit better.

After her visit last week, we dealt with night terrors during the middle of the night and during a nap. They are typically triggered by going to the doctor or if her schedule is thrown off. It goes with the territory. We can go months with none, sleeping through the night without her waking up. If she starts having them, they usually go for a few nights before stopping. Typically, the day after having one, we can expect she will be grouchy. This time, we are experiencing something different. There’s a song she sang in China and continued doing so after she came home. It’s kind of a haunting melody with theatrical movements. We have no clue what she’s singing. We haven’t heard it for awhile, or we heard the melody with English words. She started singing it in Chinese the other day. It was bizarre, but if she’s going to retain something, thank goodness it was something she enjoyed in the orphanage. One of the first things I remember loving on her referral was the comment that she loved music.

Eli is finishing up the last couple of weeks in football. He continues to play center in the games. He is motivated listening to his coach, and he loves working with a team. Tom was more athletic than myself, but you don’t have to go far to have more athletic ability than me. Let’s hope the biological differences between Sidney and her parents are a positive factor in her athletic prowess. I will be interested to see if he goes out again next year for football. He looks disinterested during his games, but I could be completely wrong.

Sidney brought a pumpkin home from school today. She was so proud of it. It’s those adorable moments that I love the most as a parent. Kids have such an appreciation for things we miss in our hurried lives as adults. Sidney also has an appreciation for being given things that I haven’t ever seen in a child. If she gets a new shirt, she typically tells me “oh, thank you mommy!” It’s awesome.

OK, off to get something productive done before another busy week begins.

Hands and Hips

2011-10-09T16:09:00.001-05:00

Friday, we had a good visit to the University of IA with Sidney's hand surgeon and pediatric orthopedist. We are blessed to have access to the U of I's orthopedics clinic within an hour of our home. Sidney's hand surgeon said things haven't moved or shifted with growth. Great news! A persons hands don't stop growing until the age of 15, so checkups will be a normal part of our routine. She had a syndactyly reconstruction in January 2010. This means two of her three existing fingers were fused, and the surgeon separated them, allowing them to function independently. A skin graft is used in the separation of the digits. What remains is thick scar tissue between the fingers which might cause her pinkie to tip further inward.

As the surgeon mentioned the possibility of another procedure, I felt a pang of guilt, thinking I could have done more with physical therapy to prevent scarring. Moms are never easy on themselves. Typically surgeons don't give a physical therapy order after syndactyly reconstruction. We wanted the best possible result. Our physical therapist used ultrasound, and we worked at home, rubbing Vitamin E oil into the scarred area. Then Tom reminded me, Sidney couldn’t tolerate the physical therapy. It made her miserable, unable to sleep with the splint, and she began showing signs of regression. Sidney was telling us, "you took me to the doctor 12 times last year at the University of Iowa. This doesn't include my pediatrician or the times I needed antibiotics for a cold. Stop messing with me!" It was also like sensory overload. Imagine having something together your whole life and suddenly separated. Then factor in someone rubbing it. It makes me wince, thinking about it.

This apprehension has some positive value. It makes Tom and I cautious about surgery. If things haven't shifted or changed, there is no reason to move forward with surgery. That's why we are keeping an eye on it.. I understand surgeons are talented professionals. But they are also anxious to cut and correct and perfect. I think our hand surgeon is finally on board with our objectives. This doesn't mean we won't do what's absolutely necessary for our girl. It just means there is a limit to how much we are willing to sacrifice, in order to achieve the surgeons vision of perfection. For all we know, the scar tissue could stay the same for the next five years. And this might not happen, and that's ok. But again, our goal is balance in her life.

Next, we were off to the pediatric orthopedist. He's responsible for monitoring her leg. If you are catching up, she is missing the fibula bone (fibular hemimelia) in her left leg, causing a limb difference. As she grows, this limb difference becomes more pronounced. Meaning, there is a 13% difference between legs. One leg is shorter and smaller than the other. With this particular special need comes concerns about stress on her spine and hips. Typically, the hip on the side with FH, isn't the same. Everything looks good. Her hip on the shorter side is developing well. For now, we have shoe shopping and an updated prescription for the lift to fill. And the difference between legs has increased with growth. Her lift will be over 3 cm. As long as she can maneuver, and believe me, she can maneuver, we will continue with a lift. Eventually, we will look into prosthetic devices. She will be older when this takes place. There is really no time table since we don't have a roadmap indicating her growth.

Her age makes treatment better and worse. Better because, we can tell her to hold still during the x ray, or we are only going to one more doctor, and you are done, and she cooperates. Luckily, the hospital does a phenomenal job of working with children. We should have some opinion about the quality of their work. I keep telling parents of limb affected children, the first year is tedious, sorting out the mysteries, getting the tests done to look at overall health and well being, but once you are done with the first year (at least in our situation), it's easy. Treatment has taken place, and what follows is checkups and tweaking, if necessary.

So for now, we are thankful to continue normal life. As normal as this family can be.

Check Up

2011-10-06T13:56:00.001-05:00

Things are getting back to normal. Thankfully, Sidney has avoided the preschool sad pad (timeout). I started thinking about my tiny fighter. If Sidney is disgruntled, or wronged by another child, she takes care of business. She doesn’t have the capacity to tattle. It’s instinctual, but we haven’t experienced it, outside of friends and family. School is a new opportunity for behaviors to arise. We are talking a lot about the appropriate way to respond if someone is bothering her or she is mad. Like everything else, in parenting, it’s a delicate balance. We don’t want her to become a doormat. This spunkiness is what gets her through different challenges, both physical and emotional.

We have checkups this week. Our hand surgeon will check both hands and see what, if anything, changed over the past year. Sidney has two fully formed hands with three fingers on each, including thumbs. Her right hand was webbed (syndactyly) at birth with the middle finger and pinky finger impacted. Her first surgery, in January of 2010, worked to reconstruct the area, separating the fingers. A skin graft was used with a donor site from the hip. Sensation and getting used to the feeling of putting something between her fingers was a huge hurdle. Four months later, we tackled the left hand. Not only was there syndactyly (webbing), there were issues with her growth plate on her middle finger. It was in the shape of the letter C, allowing the finger to grow wider instead of longer at the base. A small graft was required for this procedure with a donor site from her upper arm, leaving a small scar the size of a mosquito bite. Both surgeries took about six weeks for recovery, and removal from the cast, then another six weeks with a splint.

What's that under the cabinet....ok, don't look too closely!

Tomorrow is a visit to the hand surgeon, and later in the morning, we will visit her orthopedist. Her orthopedist will check on her leg. She is also missing the fibula bone in the back of her right leg. It doesn’t impact walking, running, jumping, climbing (believe me it doesn’t impact climbing J ), or functioning as a normal kid. She has a lift in her shoe to compensate for the difference in length. And no, they aren’t ugly orthopedic shoes. We purchase and an orthopedist in the area cuts the soul in half, placing an insert inside. So, it’s the same shoe just higher and a smaller size. Patients with fibular hemimelia are typically missing bones and toes in the foot. Sidney has a perfectly formed left foot, missing a toe.

Whew! That’s a lot of medical information. Are you still awake? Like I tell everyone, it’s nothing in our daily life. Outside of the first year, when doctors attempt to unravel the mystery, and checkups like tomorrow, we don’t go to the doctor any more often than anyone else. In fact, her immunity is super. She had a cold this week, starting Monday, and it’s almost gone. This might sound like an odd comment, but we couldn’t be happier with her special need. Not happy, because she has to contend with a special need, but because, it’s so, incredibly manageable. She’s just missing a couple of digits and a bone. Pardon the phrase, but as Tom says “big frickin whoopty do."

Testing

2011-09-30T12:48:00.024-05:00

I’ll cut to the chase. Sidney is challenging Tom and I. We are helping Sidney to understand our infinite love while helping her to overcome her deep need to control.

Some of her behavior is due to milestones, but as I told my mom, given Sidney's background, it's more complex. Each time Eli hit a milestone between 3 and 4, he had no impulse control. Sidney is mimicking the same pattern. Changes are many in her small world as she masters potty training, eating well, and going to school three mornings a week. But, if I learned one thing parenting Eli, it is, if one thing goes well another will change.

On Wednesday (I am a cockeyed optimist, but Wednesday was a rough day…..see more on Eli’s ER Experience in the next blog), I sat in my car waiting for the appearance of tiny backpack clad bodies in the door. Instead, Sidney’s teacher walked her out alone. “She was on the sad pad three times." Sad pad? This couldn't be good. "I figured you would want to know. I would want to know,” she said. Lagging behind in the conversation, I asked “what’s a sad pad?” I was informed it’s timeout.

Sidney was kicking in line for the bathroom, knocked over her friend’s block tower, and threw books. What? Really? I am the mom of the kid going in time out? Frankly, Eli never steps out of line in school, figuratively or literally. It was humbling to hear this information.

Sidney is testing. She conquered manipulating her teacher, so she’s taking it a step further. Remember the story about the teachers stool? It’s representative of her ability to coerce her teacher. If the rule for everyone else is the stool is off limits, it should be off limits. If I am hearing this, I can imagine, there are other areas, she has wooed her teacher.

So, in the midst of my complete chagrin, and figuring out how to deal with this shift in behavior, I folded laundry while Sidney “read a book.” Reading a book means, Sidney goes through the pages and makes up her own story. This is another developmental milestone. Book completed, Sidney turned to me and said, “I want to learn to read.” She’s too smart for her own good.

Dynamite comes in small packages. If the constant explosions can chip away this need to control, what remains will be remarkable.

A Weekend In Review

2011-09-25T19:24:00.001-05:00

It was a crazy weekend! Saturday morning means football the next few weeks. My center did a great job!


Go Chiefs!

Sidney cheering "Eli, Eli!!!"

One hour later, a packed vehicle waited for the two hour drive to my brothers. My nephew was baptized Sunday. Tom and I were sponsors. We were very honored to be asked! Afterward, there was time to celebrate my nephews 2nd birthday. Did I mention he's completely adorable?

Is it time for more cake yet?

Squeezing in a blog

2011-09-21T16:17:00.001-05:00

See what I made in preschool Mom?

I originally had photos, but I want to get the post up!!! I had a photo Sidney in front of a very large dumpster at our house. It’s been a fixture in my driveway for over a week. After ripping out the carpet, our next project was a thorough cleaning of the garage and basement. I’m finding it’s therapeutic to purge and repurpose. I knew it was past time to do a major cleaning when Sidney reacted with “wwwwoooooooowwwww” upon seeing the interior of the garage.

While I’m purging, Sidney is preschooling . My sleepy eyed girl, pulls on a backpack half her size, and climbs into the car. I use the word climb in the most literal sense. “Sidney do you want a boost” is met with “I do it myself.” She does the same in Tom’s truck. Scaling the side of the seat like a mountain climber? No problem! I think her determination speaks volumes about her spirit. And before you panick, we spot her as she makes her ascent.

Eli started football last night. Secretly, I am hoping this is a one season ordeal. This year is flag, and next year is tackle. Did someone say my baby will be tackled? Last night gave Tom and I the opportunity to observe. It was a constant replay as the coach threw the ball. As the coach yelled “100,” several 9 year old boys held their hands skyward as the ball plummeted toward the earth. All the while, they ducked and attempted to catch at the same time. Fear of the ball seems to be the largest obstacle. Now, if I could only get Eli to stop throwing himself to the ground in a fake fall and roll like he was thrown to the ground in the action, after someone catches the ball.

And what am I thinking about all the chaos that went on last week with my impromptu return to work? I feel great about my decision, and it has given me new purpose as a stay-at-home mom. Once all my projects are done, I am back to writing. Writing makes me feel like I have something that’s my own, and through this small experience, I have learned that is something very important.

Update

2011-09-15T09:13:00.002-05:00

It’s been a crazy week. Mom wasn’t ready to return to the working world. Typically, I am a composed person. I was definitely not composed after my first day. It was something I couldn’t control, and thinking back a couple of days, it’s something I can’t explain. I was in protective mode. Later in the evening, after my first day, I found the principal in the school. I explained how long we waited for Sidney to join our family. If I have the choice (and I certainly get that some mothers don’t have a choice, and I respect this situation 100%), I am going to choose to continue to stay home. Thankfully, it’s a very family focused Catholic school, and my quick return to work and sudden departure were met with respect. Many of the staff commented to one another, they had respect for my decision. Some even went to the extent of calling me courageous making my priority our family.

I don’t need confirmation staying home is the right decision for our family, but if I did, Tom gave it. I began talking about the transition early with Sidney. I was positive and upbeat. I saw a few indicators the concept was stressful to Sidney, but we were rational, taking a wait and see approach. This behavior began to intensify. Self-soothing behaviors we haven’t seen in a year began to resurface. Tom also took note. Let me interject, Tom is not an over analyzer. We both attempt not to read too much into her behavior, maintaining caution in how we treat her attachment. So I can say with absolute confidence, what we observe in our daughter is very real. Tom and I decided together our family does not deserve to go backward. We have everyone in the family to think about. It’s not about only mom. Eli deserves to have stability in his house. Prior to the change, our family was in a very good place.

This series of events was quickly put into perspective. We lost a child in our extended family due to a tragic accident. Heaven received a very special and loved little boy. His family will continue to be in our prayers in time to come.

Career Mom

2011-09-09T21:37:00.001-05:00

A person never knows what will happen between the hours of waking and putting head to pillow the same night. On Monday, I will go back to work for the first time in 9 years. A position opened in Eli’s school for an Office Manager. Like a sissy, I applied and withdrew my resume. I was scared. 9 years is a long time to stay home. I thought I was making the right decision for Sidney’s emotional wellbeing, but were we really doing what’s best for her emotional needs? Or was I making the decision based on my stubbornness? I had it in my head I wasn’t going back to work until she was done with preschool and onto kindergarten in two years. My patient husband reminded me to think into the future about having Christmas break; snow days, every other week, and the coveted summer break off over the next several years.

So, I decided not to be stubborn and at least go to the interview. I’m glad I did. This will be a positive step for our family. But don’t fear, I will still be blogging. There should be some excellent experts coming up as we make this large transition in our family. After all, Eli screamed out loud, when he heard his mother was going to be in the same building on a daily basis. And it was not a scream of joy. It was one of sheer terror! Poor kid, after all, once every six months, we will have to interact with one another. After all, there is the lunch count, he has to bring down every now and again (can you see my rolling my eyes).

The largest motivator in my decision was the onsite daycare available for 3-4 year olds. Sidney is literally, as Tom reminded me “10 feet as the crow flies.” Thank you Tom for that visual. This is new, and I couldn't be happier. She loves spending time with the kids in the classroom and is so at ease with a large group. Tom and I have conversed on several occasions about her happiness and being with other kids. She thrives, and I know I will have a good balance between being home and being there. So, we are both ready.

Stay tuned, there are more adventures ahead. And mine start tomorrow, building a business causal wardrobe from the ground up.

River Monsters

2011-09-05T19:00:00.001-05:00

I often joke Tom likes to take our flat bottom boat and pretend he's on Swamp People or River Monsters. Sunday was no exception.


Are we having fun yet?


One of the many times I can see Daddy is over the moon for his little girl, prepping the Dora fishing pole.


Luckily, he wasn't using the Dora pole when he caught this (no fish were harmed:-) This nasty creature was released after snapping the photo.

And mom was impressed how patient her fisherman has become over the summer.

And since my ballerina thinks we need another photo of her prancing around while I write the blog, I end with one more picture. If you don't mind me saying so, my girl is beautiful!

Friday Ramblings

2011-09-02T17:15:00.000-05:00

It's great having your good friend as the teacher's assistant in Sidney's preschool. Who can resist a photo op with Jumbo the Circus Elephant?

I’m looking across the room, and Eli is deep into a Star Wars III battle on his DS….pardon me DSi. He always makes that correction. He earned 280 marbles this summer, averaging 4 per day to earn it. Marbles were exchanged for some chore or task around the house. And believe me, I got my money’s worth! During VBS he earned a ton, cutting stuff out, or helping with Sidney. I commend him for doing it with enthusiasm. We only had to make a threat, if he stepped out of line, and any crisis was quickly averted. Marbles are an awesome parenting technique. I credit it with keeping our house completely sane (never completely sane when I am present) over the summer.

However with the good, always comes the bad. Before you think I am a negative person, hear me out. As I sat on the laptop (big shocker I know) a few nights ago, I looked around the living room. Tom was looking at something on the internet with his smart phone, Eli was on his DS, and Sidney was zoned out watching TV. Enough! I firmly told everyone from 7:30 until bedtime, at least 1 solid hour, there are no electronic devices allowed except TV. I can’t expect everyone to go cold turkey. I just wanted our family to interact. And I will be the first to admit, it wasn’t easy. But after a couple of nights, I started looking forward to the uninterrupted time. I started knitting again, and pre bedtime peace has come over the house.

And while I was cracking down, I decided to make a long overdue phone call. Our cable is history. Meaning, we have 20 channels and stream Netflix and hulu.com. There were tears and fits. Eli made a plea for his beloved Nick Jr. I let him know Nick Jr. discriminates against elderly people, in my humble opinion, and we don’t believe in mistreating people in this house. I was on a roll.

And honestly, who has time to watch all those channels? Ask me this after the winter months are done, and I am going nuts! If given the chance, I can be a bit of a TV junkie. And shamefully, this good Lutheran girl, really loves reality television after the kids go to bed. I know it’s probably not something I should announce on my blog, so consider it a confession of sorts.

2011-08-29T18:48:00.000-05:00

Sidney started her first day of preschool! It’s a privilege to parent both my kids, and I couldn’t think of anything happier than watching her march in. And though I have bored my audience with words of sappiness, on more than one occasion, I couldn’t help but think about chance, circumstance, and a lot of divine intervention. And that’s not just the circumstance in Sidney’s life. We waited so long for all the firsts and wondered so many times, silently and aloud, if any of this might transpire. It reminded me that despite all the madness going on in the world, there is so much good.

And according to my good friend Jill who happens also to be the assistant to the teacher (so cool), Sidney had a great morning! By the time I picked her up, she was exhausted. Jill reminded me, kids in preschool aren’t just playing. They are receiving directions and paying attention. It all makes a little girl tired!

All this took place after a super weekend. Grandma JeanJean and Grandpa BobBob took the kids for 2 nights. That’s right, 2 nights! Instead of running ourselves crazy, Tom and I decided to do a couple of things in the area. It’s easy to forget what’s outside the front door. I got to try a coffee shop in town. We also tried a great Thai restaurant about 20 minutes from our house in an area that is working to revitalize. Very cool! And honestly, I watched a lot of TV. Really exciting, I know. But in reality, I don’t get to watch much that doesn’t involve Elmo or Star Wars.

We are off to taekwondo practice.

School Daze

2011-08-23T15:48:00.001-05:00

As my father’s school teacher said “you kids are going to be the death of me!” Of course, unlike his school teacher, I do not intend to keel over the day after making this statement. But you get my drift. I told Sidney today, she is going to become very good friends with the corner if she can’t stop being so spunky. Whenever she acts up, someone turns to me as I am about to go into full discipline mode and says “isn’t this what you wanted?” Yes, but she is SO spunky! I am certain all this drama is due to our change in schedule. Half days the first three days of school, then full days the last two. She misses her brother being home full time.

Eli came home the first day of school with a football flyer. I forced myself not to scream long enough to find out its flag football. Last night, he was so enthusiastic, he had Tom teaching him how to throw the football. I am so thankful his dad played sports in high school. Mom is completely clueless. Outside of following the Chicago Bears with Tom in the fall, I know nothing. When I say nothing, I mean, I understand a touchdown and that’s it. And each year, I make a diligent effort to understand the game. I won’t deny the players are fun to look at. But, each time, I am bored senseless, and I don’t return to watching it. I know it’s totally un-American. I only look for the score when I hear Tom bellering in the next room.

I posted a couple of pictures of Sunday. We went to the school to drop the kids supplies. I don’t have Sidney’s backpack yet. I am waiting for it in the mail, so she threw on an ancient Dora hand me down. Then the next day, I forced Eli to do the traditional first day shot outside.

OK, off to do something productive.

The Big Reveal!

2011-08-20T20:46:00.001-05:00

Woo hoo! The carpet came out of the living room today. Next step, a professional to tell us if we are able to refinish it.

Side 1 complete (Mom & Dad, this is the side with the hutch).

And because she needs to be in the spotlight."Get your shoes on!" Too many staples and nails. After pushing all the furniture to the opposite side of the room and tackling the 2nd half.

Four, three, two......

2011-08-19T16:41:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day of summer break. I have mixed emotions. I am elated I will have time to myself, to write again, clean my house in peace, and finished delayed projects, but my house is going to be so quiet! Sidney starts preschool three mornings per week, and I remember, the two years Eli was in preschool were some of the fastest I can remember. I blinked my eyes, and he was in kindergarten. But, I also know I’ve waited a long time for this new chapter to begin. Sidney doesn’t actually start until a week from Monday, but Eli’s shipping out on Monday morning. Woohoo!

With all this spare time, I plan on writing again, but not before all of our “after China” projects are completed. Notice we aren’t breaking any records for speed, starting the projects 2 years after travel. A new deck door was already installed in the back of the house. Our next project is to pull up our carpet and expose the hardwood underneath. Our house was built in the early 1900’s, and we assume it’s original. So, tomorrow is the big reveal. Today, it looks like someone took my living room, threw it in the air, and let it land.

My new favorite place to hang out.

The beginning of this week was less chaotic, visiting a local children’s museum. One of the exhibits featured cultures from around the world, including China. In each section, the kids could push buttons and hear spoken language. As Eli pushed buttons to hear phrases, in Chinese, he enthusiastically told his sister. Sidney timidly stood outside the area with her hands over her ears, frantically waving, signaling Eli to stop the recording. An instance occurred on Monday which was much the same. Tom was getting his hair cut. His beautician is Korean. I had to drop Sidney to Tom anyway, so I met him at the shop. As his beautician, an adoptee in her 50’s, warmly said hello, Sidney began shutting down.

And because I insisted on having my bunny in another photo.

Today, as I worked to take everything from our living room into the kitchen, we ran across the digital album from travel. Sidney took immediately interest. She was fine running through all the photos of Mommy and Daddy in Beijing. But, when we got to the actual day we met, she began waving her arms again and told me she didn’t like the people in the photos. Further in and more pictures of Chinese people, and she continued, commenting”these people hurt me. These people don’t like me.” I am very grateful to have even a preliminary understanding of what is frightening her. It allowed me to reassure her, telling her I don’t know what happened because mommy wasn’t there in the orphanage, but now, she is safe and nobody will EVER hurt her. What a comfort to know we are on track to better understanding of what is going on in her mind.

Nine, eight, seven.......

2011-08-12T09:38:00.001-05:00

Nine days and counting. Did that sound desperate? It’s time for school to start, soon! I remember how much can be accomplished in 2 hrs. 45 min, a few times a week. Not that I’m keeping track. Eli is in school all day, and this is the period of time I have with Sidney in preschool!

Finishing the summer off with swimming lessons for Eli.

I have been thinking a lot, as I always do. Analyzing and reanalyzing. My mother and I are known for our analyzing conversations, to which my dad says to my mom “Jean, stop analyzing.” I thought about our role as adoptive parents and our tendency to focus solely on the adjustment of our children. We push our own needs aside. Down time, time to accomplish without kids whining, and a chance to take a breath are vital. This isn’t a selfish statement, it’s the truth. Two years ago, diapers and a one year old was a huge change. I had a self-sufficient seven year old. Adoptive parents are hesitant about admitting any of this. We wait years to travel, and tell ourselves it’s selfish to behave in any manner other than sheer elation. We sometimes talk about our struggles coming home, but we don’t readily admit anything past discussion of attachment and bonding.

Dad succumbing to social media and his first FaceBook account.

Thankfully, after a couple of weeks, getting back into the routine of having a small child in the house, things balanced out. I didn’t have long to contemplate the change, because we started a new phase in the adoption, medical care. And I started writing again which is something I will probably take on in another month or so. For me, it feels good to contribute financially. But before I can get back to mining in Australia or information on the supermarket industry in post-Soviet countries, I am going to paint our walls a different color.

Speaking of contributions, I took one for the team and started cleaning the garage. It’s a beast of a project, but it is one of those projects that have been put off too long. So today, I might do something exciting like go and buy a push broom! Take a look at the photo below. I had my back to Sidney, thinking she was playing out in the driveway, only to hear “look at me mommy.” The picture doesn’t look as high as she was actually sitting. Nor does it show her climbing up with the bike leaning on only it’s kickstand. Look at her legs between the seat and the bar, and you have some idea. I obviously didn’t have a camera with me at the time, so I quickly used my cell. I can’t believe how much balance it took to get up on the seat without falling over. She has no fear, and her mother is going to give her mother a heart attack!

Rainy Monday

2011-08-08T19:22:00.000-05:00

Eli = “Mom do you know what I am still emotionally scarred about? The time Grandma Jean got on the phone and started talking to me about pantyhose.” That’s what he gets for sounding like his mother on the phone. Though he contends he was speaking in a normal voice. And as he reads over my shoulder, he wants me to clarify; he was, in fact, using a REGULAR voice! Eli makes me laugh every day.

It was a rainy but productive Monday. Is there nothing more exhilarating than a clean refrigerator? Especially when my cook husband has filled the contents with edible leftovers from last night. I count myself as one of the luckiest women in America. I hate to cook, and I love to bake. This doesn’t work well raising a family. I am fortunate my husband cooks almost every meal.

I accomplished a portion of back to school shopping. My 9 year old is in a size 14. I’m not surprised. He’s huge. His feet are larger than mine. At birth, the doctor estimated his adult size as 6 foot 5 inches, and I fully believe he might reach this height. At the opposite end of the spectrum, I am finally taking the 12 mnth clothes out of Sidney’s drawers. She’s in 18 mnths. The challenge is to find clothes mature enough for a 3 year old. I know the words mature and 3 don’t really fit well together, but I am careful. We already battle people thinking she is younger.

Supply shopping is half done. Sidney needs a few things. Evidentially, 3 year old preschool also has a supply list. I find it completely adorable. 8 large crayons, 2 large glue sticks (if she’s anything like her mother was in preschool & kindergarten she will need double this amount), 1 large bottle of glue, and folders. Isn’t this the fun we have been waiting for? I love normal life!

Adventures on the River

2011-08-06T21:40:00.001-05:00

Over the summer months, it's not uncommon to hear the boys in the house rumbling around early in the morning. This early morning pursuit is in an effort to find fish and eat PopTarts. This morning, Eli shared Dad with Dustin and the girls (our good friends). Sometimes the simplest activities are the most fun. At least that's our experience as parents. A shallow river and sand bar occupy lots of living things, making it an adventuresome place for kids to explore and discover.

As I heard Tom come into the room to tell me goodbye, I mumbled something about taking the camera. And I have to include the adorable idea my friend Jill sent with the girls.I need to buy some of the fish shaped bread. Too much fun!

Here's a recap of the adventure.